Justice is Blind — and Sleeping

There’s a little court in America called the Supreme Court. For the most part, it is taken quite seriously. If courts were road construction, then the Supreme Court would be a collapsed freeway on top of a volcano. In other words, if you fuck up at the SC, then you’re fucked, pal. Unless you have some pull with God Himself, you just got busted for tacit collusion, plagiarism, or kiddie porn — whatever’s your poison, and now you are taking your man-ass to prison.

A recent trend in America has been to get women the fuck off this Supreme of Courts. That is because women have donkey brains and the attention span of mud. It’s also because women fall asleep during court.

That’s not a metaphor. The only woman on the Supreme Court, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, fell asleep during court last week. In total that makes the percentage of fall asleep’s in the Supreme Court perpetrated by women 100%, and 0% by men. That’s pretty damning evidence for kicking women the hell out of the courtroom for good if you ask me. Law is decided on logic and reason, not a bikini competition.

Court is a lot like a Monopoly game. If you miss a square during one of your first moves — by say moving 9 spaces instead of 8, you’ve changed the entire game. Maybe you landed on one of the railroads and you’re thinking, “Hot damn! Now I got a railroad,” but 100 moves from now you’re going to land right on Boardwalk with six hotels. Six hotels because I always end up playing Monopoly with a real fucker who thinks its okay to put multiple hotels on properties even though he can site no new and improved rule set for this. That’s a man for you, always improving on the un-improvable.

Monopoly is like the law because if a judge misses some integral shit in the beginning, like say an argument or an important logical imperative, you as an attorney could look like a total jackass in a hundred moves. That’s why as a general rule, it is inappropriate to fall asleep during a fucking trial.

I went skiing with some friends last week, and they had to carry their daughter down the slopes on the last run. She was tired. She fell asleep on the way down. Pretty reckless huh? To fall asleep whilst you are being carried down treacherous and snowy terrain. I thought that until I realized women and their narcolepsy get so much worse. This little girl could easily be on the Supreme Court one day. What will all of our societal brainwashing bullshit about how women can do more than squirt babies out like rabbit octopi.

Then I thought about it more. As a man, of course, I cannot stop thinking about something until I’ve reached a conclusion. Men have two mighty man-brains at their disposal: the conscious and semi-conscious man-brains. Men are like cows except with their thought digesters, and not stomachs.

I was thinking about it and I realized I have seen this kind of behavior all the fuck over the place: women falling asleep on their boyfriends in restaurants after two glasses of wine; women falling asleep in the passenger seat during long road trips when there’s a perfectly good blowjob to be enjoying — especially on her part.

Women just can’t get enough sleep. And why is that? It’s because pretending that they’re anywhere near as good as men at anything is a huge stress on their pea-brains. It’s like a regular man going and playing football with a squad of pros. After running the pitch for two hours, he’s going to fall down fucking dead. That’s everyday for every woman that has ever had a job that isn’t sewing.


Justice is Asleep at the Wheel