Want to Help Women? Punch One in the Face

Women have no fear of anything.

They have no fear of any shit breaking because some man will always fix it in a charming attempt to fuck them — which usually works. They have no fear of losing their jobs because they don’t ever support themselves anyway. Women are like shrieking monkeys jumping like silly jackasses from tree to tree in a forest of men with big burly arms and deep pockets.

Women especially have no fear of saying or doing anything stupid. You really want to do something for women? Next time you hear one acting stupid, just knock the shit out of her.

That would make a hell of an alibi too. After all, who would believe her?

“Defendant, you stand accused of striking this woman because she didn’t know the difference between her office key and her apartment key even though one has flowers and shit all over it. How do you plead?”

“Your honour…are you fucking serious? What kind of person would do that?”

The classic, “Are you fucking serious” defense. I’ve seen it a hundred times.

Let me step back for a moment before my manjo gets carried away with itself. I’m not saying that all men should go out and start beating women like they’re piƱatas until cogent ideas start pouring out of their mouths like delicious candy. First of all, that would never work. Even with a gun to their heads, women can’t make any sense. Secondly, violence against women is uncivilized.

What I am suggesting is simply that women spew garbage out the mouth 27/7 because they have no internal filter of fear. That’s because fear is a very manly thing. Without fear, where does a man get his adrenaline to accomplish heroic man-feats of car lifting and lion fighting and tearing trees out by their roots? Redbull? I don’t fucking think so. Without fear would a man think to himself, “maybe I shouldn’t get herpes from this drunk skank”? The answer is no, he would not. That’s why so many women have STD’s and don’t even know it. Because they’re idiots.

Fear is a man’s life compass. Fear is Jiminy fucking Man-Cricket. The fear of looking like a jackass; the fear of getting kicked in the teeth for grabbing some seemingly unattended woman’s boob; fear is what keeps men drawing between the lines at all times and what keeps us preparing for rough weather ahead.

Curiously to none, women are afraid of nothing.

Women and their outrageously inflated confidence — it’s a bit like the eight year old who won the spelling bee for correctly guessing establishment.

Yes, we’re all very impressed, son; but you’ll still feel like a jackass if I pour this punch all over the front of your pants like you pissed yourself, won’t you. That’s life, kid. Best shut your fucking mouth and swallow that lump in your throat.