Anecdotal Evidence

Inadmissable in any court of reason…however, still worth considering.

How A Woman Solves A Problem

Posted in Anecdotal Evidence on May 22nd, 2008

Yesterday, I was sent this email by a dumb bitch who I will refer to as “Winona” — because that’s her name.

From: Empress Winona
Subject: I’m going to sue you

Someone has posted my number on your site. I have since gotten death threats by phone mentioning your website. We have recorded the call, found the owner of the phone and intend to prosecute.

Remove my number from you website. We plan to see you in court as well for allowing women’s personally information posted, violating their privacy and security rights.

Not an intelligent practice if you want to avoid prison.

The authorities have already recorded the information listed on your site and it will be presented it court. The longer you allow the content to remain, the more damage it does to you and your “movement”.

Remove my number from your site now.

That is the entire email. At the time it was sent, I was on the Toucher and Rich show in Boston 104.1 FM explaining to some broad why it’s not men’s responsibility to make fat women feel good about themselves. It’s actually men’s responsibility to make fat women feel bad about themselves. That’s called a big fat incentive to lose your big fat ass.

Attention she-pigs: the easiest way to end your shame and misery is to hit the treadmill.

I knew the dozy bitch was as fat as a house because only fat women give a shit about fat woman problems. The rest of the world doesn’t care. And why should it? Fat women are useless.

Naturally, her response was, “well, men are fat too!” I know you are, but what am I. A classic defense. If arguing with women was chess, that would be the only move in the book. [Read more]

TMZ Agrees With Me. Why Don’t You?

Posted in Anecdotal Evidence on May 7th, 2008

If you thought about that question, you’re a woman. Fuck off my website.

Below is a short segment of the television show TMZ covering my appearance on Dr. Phil. Yes, TMZ calls me a “douche”. Yes, TMZ calls me an “actor”. But watch this clip “between the lines” and you’ll discover something mancredible.

TMZ agrees with me.

[Read more]

The Blackberry: Releasing a Woman’s Inner Bitch

Posted in Anecdotal Evidence on April 4th, 2008

I have a Blackberry, you have a Blackberry, let’s all go have a fucking parade about it.

Or let’s just use our Blackberrys to get the job done like men.

And that’s why women should not be allowed to have Blackberrys. They don’t use their Blackberrys to get the job done. They use their Blackberrys like the morphine drip you get at the hospital after back surgery. When you need a dose of morphine, you hit the button. When a woman needs a dose of attention, she whips out her Blackberry during dinner like it’s totally acceptable.

It’s not acceptable. It’s rude. Dump that bitch like an anchor.

Giving a woman a Blackberry is like giving her a permanent excuse to behave like a rude, inconsiderate pig. [Read more]

Fat Women: Stop Emailing Me

Posted in Anecdotal Evidence on March 3rd, 2008

If there’s one thing I know about women it’s that whatever any one of them is doing, it can be done better by a man — and also they’re all crazy and they all want babies and they all want to get married and they all want to have everything done for them for free and they all want to fuck their fathers and every decision that they make in their lives is based on how jealous they are that they don’t have a penis and they all wear way too much perfume and they never listen to anything before they open their mouths with a response and they all need to lose 10 pounds and they never actually mean “thank you” or “I’m sorry” when they say it — what they really mean is “it’s about time” and “you should be glad I’m still letting you fuck me” — and they all love to be treated like shit because that’s what they are.

And when they get on the internet, they go from a size 8 to a size Invisible.

In other words: fat women, quit fucking emailing me. I can tell you’re fat and your fatness makes me sick. [Read more]

The World is Round, Bitch

Posted in Anecdotal Evidence on September 20th, 2007

20% of the co-hosts on The View don’t know the world is round.

I must confess a loss of 280 Man Points for being surprised at this. The View is hot-boxed nonsense incarnate. The View is what happens when you tell five prison inmates to host a two hour television program on what to do with an unconscious woman and a cell phone. Except in this case, the unconscious woman is “reason” and “accountability”, and the cell phone is that fucking coffee table.

I bet you 280 Man Points their answer isn’t going to be “call the police”. [Read more]

What Do You Call a Woman With Nowhere To Live?

Posted in Anecdotal Evidence on July 14th, 2007

It’s time for another one of my Dick’s Manly Jokes.

What do you call a woman with nowhere to live?

Chaste? No. Nuns won’t fuck anyone (even though God says women are supposed to) and they still have a place to live.

What do you call a woman with nowhere to live?

Call her anything that starts with ‘b’ and rhymes with ‘bitch’. Homeless women are the rudest women with whom it has ever been my misfortune to share a street corner. They ought to be given homes just so their smelliness and grotesqueries are kept far away from children, and more importantly me.

Men are better than women at being homeless. [Read more]

Broken Glass, Broken Ass

Posted in Anecdotal Evidence on June 11th, 2007

I have never yelled at a woman in anger. The only time I’ve yelled at a woman was when she was about to do something dangerous to herself or to something expensive. That’s almost the same thing anyway.

The world is not covered in safety rubber; nor is it a plastic ball pit for little kids to frolic and pee in. It’s a dangerous place full of sharks and wolves and funny bone-whackers, and women need to kept away from that stuff as urgently as possible so they don’t hurt themselves.

I yell at women all the fucking time. [Read more]

Women Still Suck At Computers

Posted in Anecdotal Evidence on April 18th, 2007

Women are leaving the profession of computing in record numbers. A recent study shows the percentage of women in engineering is down from 38% to 28% since 1985. I guess that’s why we call them “engineers” and not “politicians”. With no women around, they actually get things done.

Women suck at computers because they can’t evolve with technology and they don’t know a USB port from a hole in the ground, which they also don’t know from their ass. [Read more]