Cheating Army Wives Deserve the Death Penalty

Women have been cheating on men since the beginning of time. The first woman, Eve, cheated on her man with a snake. That snake’s name was “The Devil”.

A while ago, I was talking to a woman about my “radical” ideas. Men are responsible for every single advancement in human history; the wage gap proves men are better than women because if we were all equal, hiring a woman would be a cheaper alternative to a man and thus an obvious business decision; and it is only through our divine and manly grace that women are allowed to vote, own property, or wear bras. Her response was that I was wrong because the Devil is a man.

I’ll tell you who the real “Devil” is: a cheating marine’s wife.

The cheating wife of a soldier should be dragged into the street and shot.

To make them behave properly, women need more training than a killer whale and more discipline than a sack of lard. You have to whip a sack of lard pretty heavily to turn it into a meringue. If no one’s around to give a woman a condescending eyebrow raise or a disapproving inward breath, she won’t know when she’s fucking up. She’ll walk right off a goddamn cliff because there isn’t a sign on the rail of a cartoon man giving her the Stupid Eye.

During the holiday season several years ago, I overheard the end of a conversation among some women on what to do about a puppy that had been found who the owners were now looking for. One of the little darlings had become so attached to the puppy that she didn’t want to give it back. The consensus was that she didn’t have to. Puppies come with squatter’s rights. I wandered in, fetched a beverage, and give them all a stern look. The consensus was abandoned immediately.

That’s called Penis Power.

The army is a fighting machine and the personification of everything that is excellent and manly about a nation. If a pedophile is harassing your kid, you don’t take that problem to a woman, you take it to a man. Then, the problem disappears. Don’t ask questions if you don’t want to hear about someone getting their teeth stomped into a curb. And don’t watch it on the news, because the news exists to sell tampons.

I don’t get my facts from tampon salesmen.

The army has and always will be a necessity to ensure not just our way of life, but any way of life that doesn’t involve getting a golf club shoved up your ass because you have a plasma television and someone else wants it. The army protects your ass from that, and the only things a soldier should have on his mind while out in the field are: his gun, his ammo, and how best to keep my ass protected while I’m wearing a $10,000 fur coat.


A soldier should not be wondering if his wife is fucking her new man-friend Kalan.

Cheating army wives hinder a thousand soldiers’ ability to get the job done. They are a plague of doubt in an otherwise healthy platoon. They are an act of treason that spreads at the speed of a hilarious internet video. They are a cancerous incarnation of greed and should be punished for it.

If one gets away with it, ten will.

For lack of a faithful wife, the mission was lost. For lack of a mission, the battle was lost. For lack of a battle, the war was lost. For lack of a war, the nation was lost. For lack of a nation, a golf club was shoved up my ass.


I’ve met plenty of army wives, and a dangerously high percentage of them were promiscuous little whores. Not promiscuous in action, but in mind. All women are whores. Anyone with a charge card or access to something shiny knows that. And there’s nothing wrong with a woman being a whore. It’s not something she can help.

But pouncing on anything with a cock is something she can help when her husband is thousands of miles away fighting for freedom.

If anyone says a cheating army wife doesn’t deserve the death penalty for the capital crime of treason, then “The Devil” needs to use his dick to turn up the thermostat. Last time I checked, having an affair was as easy to avoid as raping a child or robbing a bank with a parking ticket stapled to your cock.

Just don’t do it.

Cheating is the anti-Nike.

Women need a moral compass for they have not the penis to tell them which way is right. Big Brother needs to be the man while the actual man is overseas kicking ass.

The “right” way is “forward”.