Sterilizing for Mother Earth

The reason it takes women two hours to go shoe shopping is because they anthropomorphise consumable goods. That’s what women are after all: consumable goods. It’s no surprise that they project their self-worth onto anything that can be purchased and used.

Women assign souls to inanimate objects. When they go shoe shopping, they have to look at each and every pair because if they miss one, a woman thinks she’s hurting its feelings. That’s why women are such cunts most of time. After a long day of running four errands before 3 PM, a woman has already exhausted her daily supply of caring. Fuck you if you wanted anything by the time you see her. You should have been on the rack with a price tag like the rest of her “babies”.

“Mother Nature” is full of consumable goods. Women think “Mother Earth” has feelings.

At least that’s what I’m going with until anyone can think of a better reason why a woman would abort a fetus in order to protect “Mother Earth” from the carbon emissions of her spawn.

Ten years ago, Toni Vernelli aborted a fetus because she didn’t want to be responsible for the resources the child would consume during it’s life. Ten years later, Toni has gotten herself sterilized in the name of ecological conservation. She will be the first of many.

Before you get too concerned, know that Toni is no beauty queen. Future generations of men aren’t missing out on any super models or the second coming of Heidi Klum. The only thing Toni Vernelli has to pass on is the nose of a prize fighter and the brain of a lemming.

And that’s exactly why she’s’s Honorary Man of the Month for November. Congratulations, Toni. You may not be biologically useful anymore, but at least no children will follow in your footsteps.

As a man, I am in full support of women like Toni. A petition could have offset the carbon emissions of one child. Planting a tree instead of posing for a newspaper photo about how great you are could have offset the carbon emissions of one child. Calling in a fake bomb threat on Al Gore’s private jet to keep him from flying to another presentation on global warming could have offset the carbon emissions of one child. Any woman who is stupid enough not to realize any of that, but still somehow driven to sterilize herself for whatever reason, is doing the rest of us a favor.

“Mother Nature” is not a human being. “Mother Nature” is not impressed by pointless gestures.

If it’s true that serial killers are raised by single and psychotic women — and that is true — imagine the serial killer that would have brewed in the womb of a woman who would undergo a permanent and disabling reproductive surgery because she can’t get the image of a crying Indian out of her head.

Think Caligula with a Super Soaker of GHB.

Remember the cereal commercials that asked the question, “How many bowls of Raisin Bran would it take to equal one bowl of Total?” Here’s a question I bet no one asked Toni before she had her tubes chucked in the trash:

How many hours of work would it take to offset the pollution this kid is going to make?

No matter who she is, a woman’s answer to that question will never be, “let’s ask the kid.”

More than I want to spend.

The next time a woman asks you why men are so obsessed with sex, tell her that it’s because women would rather have their uterus removed than convince the neighbors to recycle.

Toni (and all women like her) have done the next best thing to going back in time and killing Charles Manson. She’s aborted him pre-emptively. Then, she’s thrown her broken cloning machine into the sewer.

If only women who called their dogs their “baby” would follow suit.

How many carbon emissions did it take to sell these newspapers?