The MANifesto

You can’t spell exactly without X and Y

Top Ten Reasons Marriage is Stupid

Posted in The MANifesto on July 21st, 2008

I would never marry a woman who hated me enough to let me go through with it.

Marriage is fucked and stupid and the second fastest way any young man can ruin his life. The first fastest way is by having a child. Try folding an index card in half twenty times. That’s how hard it is to find beer money or a blowjob in the budget once you’ve got a kid.

Here are the top ten reasons why marriage is stupid. [Read more]

Marriage Is A Business

Posted in The MANifesto on May 19th, 2008

In 2006, 86 billion dollars was blown on weddings. This number is misleading, however, as it does not include all the bullshit newly married women buy in an effort to wash the stain of ex-girlfriend off of their new husband’s old furniture.

Yes. Women think like that.

The 86 billion dollar Wedding Waste also does not account for all the vacation plans and work days your average wedding fucks with — especially mine. The real dollar figure is probably in the trillions. Remember when Jennifer Aniston shut down the PCH for her wedding? How much did that bitch cost?

Weddings are obviously a business for dress makers, photographers, videographers, caterers, shitty DJ’s, bakers, florists, musicians, priests, Elvis priests, limo drivers, divorce attorneys, and the entire “chick flick” industry, but more importantly, weddings are a business for you: the groom. Whether you like it or not!

Congratulations, gay people of California. Welcome to hell. [Read more]

Feminism Is A Business

Posted in The MANifesto on May 12th, 2008

Feminism is the idea that women should be treated like children.

Didn’t accomplish anything this time around, sweetheart? That’s okay. Give it another shot after we bend the fuck out of the rules.

Scratch that. Feminism is the idea that women should be treated like spoiled children — who get do-overs and freebies until they’re chucking batteries at homeless people out the sunroof of their father’s BMW.

Well-raised kids get stuck with Dick Soup if that’s what they ordered. Do-overs are not a part of man-parenting. Do-overs are for ladies. [Read more]

The Etymology of Chivalry

Posted in The MANifesto on February 20th, 2008

While on the Dr. Phil program, a woman accused me of being chivalrous. Now I’m never one to argue with a woman. For example, if a woman wants to get smacked around by her boyfriend every time she runs her mouth, then who am I to say it’s wrong? This isn’t some fascist dystopia. Women have the choice to get their asses kicked if that’s what they want. They also have the choice to not ask for a raise because they’re cowards and then blame the wage gap on sexism.

In a free world, women have the choice to be retarded.

For the record, I have never hit a woman unless it was hilarious. [Read more]

Motive Means Nothing; or The Church of Feelings

Posted in The MANifesto on January 17th, 2008

If I gave $20,000 to an orphanage because I wanted orphans to be happy, a bunch of orphans would be happy and everyone would agree that I’m a fucking great guy.

If I gave $20,000 to an orphanage because I burned one to the ground when I was twelve and I feel guilty as shit about it, a bunch of orphans would be happy and everyone would agree that I’m a fucking great guy.

Welcome to the real world.

Motives don’t mean shit to orphans. Motives don’t mean shit to anyone. In fact, motives only mean something to those of us who have the luxury of falling vagina-first into money and never having to use our brains for anything but a hobby.

Those of us are called women, and those of us need to fuck off my website. [Read more]

Want to Know What a Million Looks Like? Ask a Man.

Posted in The MANifesto on December 5th, 2007 reached one million hits this week, which is more hits than any stupid woman’s website has ever gotten. If you want to know what a million of anything good looks like: a million sales, a million dollars, a million fans, ask a man. If it’s not porno downloads or a divorce settlement, women have no business with a million of anything.

I have never been troubled by this silly “equality” thing and I’ll tell you why. Men own wealth. No matter how many Political Science degrees universities sell or how often the Guardian runs a diatribe on women and their eventual world take over, one thing will never change: women will never own wealth.

Women are wealth. They’re tacky, they’re overpriced, and their warranty sucks, but they’re still depreciating assets that can be purchased for a an amount directly proportional to their age and sex appeal.

Read an economics text book. Then, dump your girlfriend. [Read more]

Cheating Army Wives Deserve the Death Penalty

Posted in The MANifesto on November 28th, 2007

Women have been cheating on men since the beginning of time. The first woman, Eve, cheated on her man with a snake. That snake’s name was “The Devil”.

A while ago, I was talking to a woman about my “radical” ideas. Men are responsible for every single advancement in human history; the wage gap proves men are better than women because if we were all equal, hiring a woman would be a cheaper alternative to a man and thus an obvious business decision; and it is only through our divine and manly grace that women are allowed to vote, own property, or wear bras. Her response was that I was wrong because the Devil is a man.

I’ll tell you who the real “Devil” is: a cheating marine’s wife.

The cheating wife of a soldier should be dragged into the street and shot. [Read more]

Fat Girls Are Obsessed With Marriage

Posted in The MANifesto on November 13th, 2007


Fat girls are obsessed with marriage. Their big fat mindsets are warped around the concept of “get all you can”, like a lumped wad of peanut butter and jelly sandwich around the Star Wars thermos inside your lunch box.

For a woman, marriage is an all you can eat buffet of free shit. The ring goes on and the wish list starts cranking out like a broken fax machine; each request more undeserved than the last.

The fatter they are, the more they want their docking-pass to that buffet. Remember that inside every skinny girl, there’s a fucking behemoth just dying to get out. [Read more]