The Etymology of Chivalry

While on the Dr. Phil program, a woman accused me of being chivalrous. Now I’m never one to argue with a woman. For example, if a woman wants to get smacked around by her boyfriend every time she runs her mouth, then who am I to say it’s wrong? This isn’t some fascist dystopia. Women have the choice to get their asses kicked if that’s what they want. They also have the choice to not ask for a raise because they’re cowards and then blame the wage gap on sexism.

In a free world, women have the choice to be retarded.

For the record, I have never hit a woman unless it was hilarious.

As a man, when I’m accused of something, I think about what that something is before running my mouth in defense. Call a woman a whore and she’ll start screaming like a fire alarm. Good luck shutting her up because a woman’s 9-Volt battery is harder to find than her G-Spot.

The G-Spot is not a myth. It drives women insane with pleasure and lust and it’s easy it’s find. It’s right where you sign the check. X marks the spot.

Since a woman accused me of being it, I chose to define “chivalry” in terms that a woman could understand before I asked myself if I was. My manclusion is that I indeed am because “chivalry” is impossible to escape in a free world — where women choose to be as retarded as inbred monkeys.

Opening Doors

When left on their own, women walk into doors a hundred times more often than men.

Off the top of my head I can think of six women who I have seen walk into doors. None of them were under any kind of influence; although one was in Paris so she might have been overcome by the scent of arrogance and expensive perfume. The French call that Le Sex Panther. Nor were any of them blind.

I have only seen one man walk into a door and not only was he so drunk that he didn’t remember it the next day, but I pushed him into the door.

There’s a reason sex toys don’t come with a purple magic marker you can use to decorate them like a bruised peach before using. That same reason is why it became customary for men to open the doors for women. Men don’t like our sex toys looking like dinged up trash.

Women can’t open anything correctly. Doors, potato chips, or their legs. “Lesbian” sex is brought to you by cheap Merlot and the letters G, H, and B.

Pulling out Chairs

They say it’s chivalrous to pull out a chair for a woman. Well it is, but only in the same way that it’s chivalrous to get your girlfriend’s email password so you can make sure she isn’t signed up to any dating websites. She probably is and you need to get on that. Grown women need more protection on the internet than children.

It isn’t polite for a woman to whisper to her friends while you’re around, so why is it polite for her to have an unknown email password? It’s the same thing. Women don’t “window shop” for something they don’t want to buy.

Paying for Things

Women have never had money, continue to have no money, and never will have any money.

The only reason women can “own” property in this day and age is because you can’t “own” property in this day and age. You just rent it. If you don’t agree with that, go a year without paying your property tax and send me an apology from the Y. Then send your landlord, the government, the backrent.

Women have no understanding of money. They’re like scavenging rats with it and they always will be. Rats can’t reach the counter top or open the fridge and prostitution is illegal. So is selling babies. How else would a rat or a woman get any money?

If you’re up for a fiscal gas, ask a woman why it’s a bad time to get married and buy a house. Better yet, ask a female Realtor. Her poor little brain might have a meltdown. A subprime meltdown.

And of course not going out of your way to blow a woman’s mind is the definition of chivalry. Not going out of your way to make a woman look foolish for things she is biologically incapable of doing: opening doors, paying for things, sitting down and not fucking anything with a pulse; is something women value.

“Game” is a myth. Persistence, alcohol, and making sure your woman isn’t running into any doors has worked since the beginning of time.

No women allowed.