Anecdotal Evidence

Inadmissable in any court of reason…however, still worth considering.

Dick Goes To The Colbert Report

Posted in Anecdotal Evidence on April 12th, 2007

Yesterday, I had the man pleasure of attending a taping of the Colbert Report staring Stephen Colbert. I have gone on record saying Stephen Colbert is among the top five manliest men alive, and just like anything I have said or ever will say, I stand by it.

Here’s something even manlier I didn’t know about the Colbert Report. It’s staffed almost entirely by men. [Read more]

Be Afraid of the Dentist. Be Very Afraid

Posted in Anecdotal Evidence on November 20th, 2006

I am not a big fan of the dentist. I don’t like to make a big deal out of it because making a big deal out of shit that scares you is a womanly thing to do.

Women think being afraid of shit like driving and doing math makes them more attractive. I don’t know why. It’s probably because they learn too much Chinese Philosophy and other shit at community college — shit their woman brains can’t handle. See, in Chinese Philosophy there’s something called the Yin and Yang which describe the opposing forces of gender in the natural world. It naturally stands to reason that if men are afraid of nothing, which we are, women should be afraid of everything — especially math and driving! It makes them more womanly and thus more attractive.

Also, I am not afraid of the dentist. [Read more]

Women Suck At Boardgames

Posted in Anecdotal Evidence on October 17th, 2006

There are a lot of things that are exactly like life. Actually most things are like life. That’s why men are such good poets and musicians. We make comparisons between things and life as I have just done. It’s called being creative.

Boardgames are also like life. And guess what, women suck at them. [Read more]

Parking. Fuck Off.

Posted in Anecdotal Evidence on October 4th, 2006

Do you know what it is to be a man? Being a man is getting out of your car, looking at your fucked up parking job, and then getting back in your car and parking it correctly.

Being a woman is what I saw about ten minutes ago. It’s pulling up to the curb like a drunken teenager, mashing your tire against the concrete like you’re humping a doorknob, and then getting out of your car whilst on a cell phone and letting someone else deal with the whole shit.

By someone else, I mean ‘some man’, who is more than likely going to have to pay for that tire when it blows the fuck up. [Read more]

Rubber Ducky, Fuck You’re Slow

Posted in Anecdotal Evidence on September 25th, 2006

Men are better than women at anything that goes on inside a house or anywhere. That includes making food and speaking about something worth a shit.

That also includes showering. Men are better than women at showering. [Read more]

Dick’s Week of Honorary Men: Part 1

Posted in Anecdotal Evidence, Honorary Man of the Month on September 18th, 2006

The Honorary Man of the Month for August in the year of 2006 is a site visitor by the name of Jenny who knows better than to be on this site in the first place and also sent me this:

I’m a women and I agree with you. In fact I’m using a dictionary right now while I’m typing and I’m also using a typing program with automatic spell check to type everything out before I paste it into that little message box thingy[sic] and click submit. That’s the extent of my computer knowledge right there. I don’t think I even learned a thing past 4th grade, I have three little tiny fluff dogs all wearing pink jewel crusted collars with matching leashes. I wear school girl uniforms on a daily basis and like to pretend I’m dumber then I really am. I spend much of my time watching reality T.V shoes[sic], soap operas, reading fashion magazines like Seventeen and running on my treadmill. I don’t have a job and I live with my parents. I guess though you could say my job is looking cuteā€¦I think the only thing I could ever do is cook, clean, and help populate the species. That’s what we were put on this earth to do right? And wasn’t there something in the bill of writes[sic] or the constitution about all men are equal or something or other?

Anyway, like my point is I totally agree with you.

I apologize for the length and generally incompetence of that text, but it’s better you hear that kind of comment from the horses mouth — no matter how mutton-fisted her hooves are. [Read more]

Women Nurses Are Gross

Posted in Anecdotal Evidence on August 4th, 2006

In the 50’s, women kept their mouths shut a lot more than they do today — in fact they kept their mouths shut almost all the time. Imagine that! That could be why there was so much less homosexuality in the 50’s, but I wouldn’t know. That’s not my area of expertise.

Without all that gabbing, women were able to concentrate their tiny brains on doing three or four jobs competently instead of doing all jobs worthlessly. Obviously, I’m talking about cooking, cleaning, drink-refreshening, and nursing.

Today’s modern woman is different than her 50’s counterpart. She’s fatter, she won’t shut the fuck up, she can’t cook, she’s a complete mess, drinks are out of the fucking question, and worst of all she makes a shitty nurse. [Read more]

Oprah Knows Shit About Shit

Posted in Anecdotal Evidence on July 26th, 2006

I was walking through an airport recently and I saw the following headline on a shitty magazine:

“What do Men Really Think About Boob Jobs?”

I was filled with dismay. Of course a question like this wouldn’t be on a men’s magazine. First of all, men’s magazines don’t phrase their headlines so fucking stupidly. What do men really think about boob jobs? I don’t know, why the fuck don’t you just say what they think on the front so I actually give a shit about reading the why’s and how’s. That’s called marketing, you fucks.

But that’s not the way it was. This was Oprah. [Read more]