Oprah Knows Shit About Shit

I was walking through an airport recently and I saw the following headline on a shitty magazine:

“What do Men Really Think About Boob Jobs?”

I was filled with dismay. Of course a question like this wouldn’t be on a men’s magazine. First of all, men’s magazines don’t phrase their headlines so fucking stupidly. What do men really think about boob jobs? I don’t know, why the fuck don’t you just say what they think on the front so I actually give a shit about reading the why’s and how’s. That’s called marketing, you fucks.

But that’s not the way it was. This was Oprah.

I’ll tell you what men think about boob jobs. They love them. I know this because I’m a man and all men think the same. That’s why we’re always right. You know that old saying, “there’s more than one way to skin a cat”? Well there are. There about a million ways to skin a cat and 999,999 of them are fucking wrong. Women know every single one of them.

All men agree that boob jobs are good. Not for all women of course, but for the one’s boob jobs are good for, they’re good for. See, men don’t live by hard and fast stupid rules like women do. Rules that women invent when they’re 5 years old because they think it’s cute or because their fucking mother tells them that’s what you have to do to be an adult.

Here’s my point. Myself and all men like anything that encourages women to take a good hard look in the mirror and ask themselves, “Why do I look like shit?”

Because they do. They all fucking do. All women look completely like shit pretty much most of the time. Have you seen those fucking bug-eye sunglasses women wear? They look asinine. Case closed.

Every day I get home from work and ask myself, “how can I do a better job? What do I need to learn or practice to be more productive?” With women, looks should be treated exactly the same. Women are nothing more than their looks after all and they all know it. That’s why Curves the women’s only gym is so successful. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. That would be sexist, which I’m not. It’s just the way it works. Anything else would be like trying to pound a square peg into a cannonball.

Oprah is humongously fat. She knows absolutely nothing about what men think about anything so fuck off Oprah magazine. I’m pretty sure whatever your article said on what men think about anything was fucked and full of self-fellating shit about inner beauty and the best color shoes to wear to make your tits look bigger. Blue isn’t magic. It’s just an ugly color for shoes.

Fuck what men think about boob jobs. What do women think about boob jobs? That’s the interesting question. They’re the ones that are so fucking obsessed with them.