I Just Repealed the 19th Amendment

A lot of men (and women) ask me why women have the right to vote and, since they very much do have it, why hasn’t some kind of enormous planet sized croquet mallet smashed the Earth into the fucking sun.

The truth of it is that the Earth is in good condition because women don’t have the right to vote. They don’t; they never have; and they never fucking will.

Recently I was watching an attractive women attempt to convince her dog to sit down because she wanted it to do so. It was no surprise to me that an attractive woman couldn’t do something. Attractive women can’t do anything. That’s why women are so proud of being stupid. It’s directly proportional to how attractive they are to men because no man would ever sit them down and say, “You don’t know a Goddamn thing so shut the fuck up when men are talking.” And why would he? That’s inconsiderate and mean. Men have a little thing called sensitivity.

It occurred to me at that moment women will never have the power to vote and do not currently have it. Let me explain.

When you tell a dog to sit, it sits the fuck down. That’s what dogs do because they instinctively know their place. The dog hears the command and then obeys. You can call that a decision if you want, but it’s not necessary. You can call a shit-sandwich a soup de jour, it doesn’t make it so.

But it does make it so.

If you want to give women anything, just dress it up with a fancy fuck name. If you want to sell them the blood of African slaves and the humanity of an entire continent, call it a diamond and say it’s forever. They eat that shit up like the shit-sandwich store is having a shit-sale.

Women don’t have any powers of voting. Married men just get extra votes. Men with girlfriends get an extra vote. Fathers with fat daughters get as many extra votes as they can afford cheesecakes and I bet that’s a fucking lot.

Dogs don’t have the option of eating chips off the ground; men with dogs just have an easier way to clean their fucking kitchen floor — which is what women should be doing instead of voting.