Women: Homewreckers From Birth

It’s a commonly accepted fact that women ruin most marriages. At the moment, the worldwide divorce rate is somewhere around 50%. If it isn’t, I don’t care. The point is, in addition to being loud-mouthed and lazy, today’s modern woman doesn’t know how to compensate for her shortcomings in marriage by shelling out any respect. Women also have opinions these days instead of chores. That’s stupid.

What about when divorce isn’t a woman’s fault? It’s unlikely, but since I’m a man, I’ll be the first to admit when women are not to blame.

Science, unclouded by my male compassion, disagrees, and points the blame at daughters. The Little Women.

Gordon Dahl and Enrico Moretti have compiled a scientific paper that includes the following man-ass blowing statistics:

Parents of girls are 5% more likely to divorce.
Parents of three girls are 10% more likely to divorce.
Single mothers of girls are completely fucked.

Apparently, women are poison to relationships no matter what their age! Whether they’re making ten cents on the dollar neglecting their children at some stupid Barbie Dream Job, or just being ten and playing with their Barbie Dream House, women ruin marriages. There’s no arguing with statistics. The figures are black and white.

When I first found out about this study, I was appalled. Little girls are even smaller and more helpless than women. They know even less and need more assurance and assistance than their larger and more opinionated counter-parts. Maybe, I decided, that’s why they’re such a strain on marriage.

Little girls cost way more to raise than little boys.

Men (and therefore boys) have something called imanginations. It means they can turn a cardboard box into a spaceship or a racecar or an outhouse at a construction site. Little boys don’t need constant fucking babysitting and they don’t need a bunch of expensive clothing and shiny bullshit. Fuck the nickel and dime shit, today’s modern little girl needs to have her wedding and college financed! That’s the dollar double dip that broke the marriage camel’s back!

Little boys wig the fuck out at divorces.

As a woman, would you want your bedroom furniture burned or your teenage son to be banned from public school transportation? No way. There aren’t enough hours in the week for a woman to deal with something like that. That’s called, ‘boys incentivize a happy marriage’.

No one wants a daughter.

It sounds harsh and that’s why women are banned from reading all of this, but while everyone loves their daughters, no one ever wanted one. Cindy Crawford loves her mole and Owen Wilson probably loves his fucked up nose, but at some point both were catastrophes. What’s a daughter going to do? Get married to a billionaire? That’s some big fucking achievement. A son might start IBM or join the Marines. There’s no telling what kind of excitement lay ahead.

In conclusion, just like keeping a full-sized woman, having a baby girl involves a lot of charity. If you find yourself in the predicament of having one and you also want to maintain your marriage, take a lesson from China: have a boy instead.

Read the Study