Knight to Pawn Four. Check and Bullshit.

Wherever there is a league of sports, there is a separate and exclusive women’s league to weep in its shadow. That’s because a man playing against a woman in any sport is like Superman playing against a team of cacti wearing funny, oversized sunglasses.

It’s cute and hilarious.

Man has proven his physical prowess for millions of years — even when it was completely unnecessary to do so. Actually, in the end that turned out to be the proof. All you men know what I’m talking about there.

However, what if it wasn’t just our mighty strength that kept women hopelessly tethered to the Earth while we men soared above like gods in our awe-inspiring spectacles of sport? What if was also because women aren’t as smart as men? That is to say, because men are smarter than women.

Certainly that makes sense to us men, but unlike women, we would also like a side order of proof with our meal. Let’s think for a moment. If only women had their own league and championship for a sport that was entirely mental, like chess.

They do.

Woah, wait a minute. They do? Can someone please flag down the Obvious Express delivery truck? I think the delivery man forget a box of clues in the back addressed to women world-wide.

I thought this women’s chess championship might be some kind of publicity stunt — like last year when that one woman “played” golf in the men’s league and Nike milked their biggest cash cow to date: female empowerment. Completely masculine kudos to those brilliant men at Nike marketing by the way because that’s one ripe motherfucking cow.

I discovered, however, that it wasn’t a joke at all. Disappointingly, it also wasn’t a bunch of models playing chess in lingerie. That’s when I decided that any further research was a waste of my invaluable time.

Women’s leagues of anything are like midgets following men around dressed up exactly like them. They look the same, but come on. What are you serious here?