Life In A Cage

When I think of a man I think of several things: successful, smells great, nuclear explosions of brilliance and poignancy. When I think of a woman, I usually think of something retarded, like a mule or a donkey with no real friends who can’t drive and has a lifespan that stretches well beyond her years of usefulness.

Maybe that’s why women are always so pissed off. Donkeys are stubborn because they have hooves and can’t do anything. Women are opinionated loud-mouths for the same reason. They just don’t have the hooves.

Amber Willits is this July’s’s Honorary Man of the Month. Way to go, Willty. Amber has done what all other women have failed to do in the face of impending success.

She shut her fucking mouth.

You can read about it below, but I’ll give you the manst of it here. Professional baseball super-athlete Reggie Willits, built a cage for his wife to live in to help him with his baseball career.

What a surprise, it worked.

That’s what I was talking about earlier when I said explosions of nuclear brilliance. Building a cage for your wife just as your career is taking off is nuclear brilliance.

Any time a woman gets a whiff of some success brewing up in the man-kitchen of a bustling male career, she gets her Felix the Cat Magical Bag of Fuck-Ups out and goes to work wronging the rights. Bitching at inappropriate times, making snide and un-clever remarks in front of your workmates, remembering her birthday; these are poison to a career.

This cage that Reggie Willits built wasn’t an actual “cage”, it was a batting cage in his bedroom, but it proves my point. Success for a man means buckling down, honing skills, and basically anything that would fit into a montage. Success for women means anything that happens during a movie.

Not to the actors, I mean to you while you’re watching a movie. Success for a woman means shutting the fuck up, going to the bathroom when nothing is happening, and getting popcorn for everyone on your way back.

Women and their Nature of Ruin will wreck every single thing you as a man ever put your life to. You’re a man. You could build the Great Wall of China or invent a great cereal like Frosted Flakes.

Take a lesson from Amber Willits. If you don’t do those things, it’s probably some woman’s fault.

The Manliest Wife in Baseball.