Protecting the environment is a lot like changing your oil or cleaning a septic tank. If a man’s not in charge, everything’s going to get covered in shit.

But if a man’s not in charge, no one’s going to be there to say things are fucked anyway.

Man Zen.

Women will track mud straight up the fucking walls without batting an eye if they’re the ones doing it. You and I call that being a hypocrite. Women call it “letting their hair down”. I have a question. Where was all that hair when I wanted to see Ghost Rider on opening night? Was it stuck right up your ass?

Douglas Tompkins knows exactly what I’m talking about. He’s purchased over a million acres of untouched rain forest in South America for the sole purpose of preserving it and turning it over to a national parks service in the future.

That’s manservation: conservation done right!

The only way to save the planet is to buy it. Everything else is cheap and womanly. I guess the planet is a woman after all. Big ole Mother Earth just keeps whoring out her resources until she can’t take anymore, and the only way to stop her is to fill up her dance card for the night. Was that the plot of Pretty Woman? I don’t know because I didn’t see that movie. You can say “hooker�? as much as you like, I can smell a love story a mile away. They smell like Band Aids.

To women, conservation involves buying a lot of new appliances.

How the fuck is manufacturing a bunch of new shit going to conserve resources? Women just want new toys. To a woman, a new washing machine is like having a threesome. Think about what you’d do to have a threesome. Lying about energy efficiency isn’t even the tip of the iceberg. Women would kill someone to get a new dishwasher.

Frankly, it makes me sick to my man ass to see resources not being squandered. If you leave a full drink alone anywhere around me, I will tip that motherfucker over. That’s how serious I am about wasting resources. Still it warms my man ass to see something done in a manly way.

Manservation: Conservation Done Right!

I’m not talking about a beer either. Obviously I wouldn’t tip a beer over. Then I’d have to lick a bunch of beer off the dirt, and I don’t want to do that now do I. It is, however, possible that I will drink your beer, and tell you I poured it out.

Men are better than women.

Manservation in Action