Women Invented Taxes: Part 2

It’s getting closer and closer to tax time. I can feel the day coming the way I feel the coming of a bumbling fuck up some woman is about to make at my expense. Like when you’re introducing a hot new lady friend to your man mates and she’s just dying to say something fucking stupid about her dog or her roommate who no one gives a shit about.

If your life is so full of problems, hypothetical house-fat roommate, why not try something different? Maybe cut the Fun Size Cool Ranch Doritos down to three packs a day.

This is the feel of the Bogeyman coming for my money. I don’t know what’s more precious to me, my money or my Man Points.

Social Security

Yet another tax supported institution that exists for women. Social Security is like tampons for old people. Men don’t need them. Men work from the day we’re born to the day we die. That’s where the phrase Men At Work comes from. We don’t need handouts, we just need a broken fence and a hammer.

Technically, women live their entire lives on social security. Also, women live a lot longer than men. If women had the same lifespans as men, they would need to draw double the social security benefits each year to make up for it.

Paying Off The National Debt

There is not one woman in the world who hasn’t floated on a massive credit card balance for at least three months. It is my belief that women enjoy credit. A big red fucking phone number on their Visa statement consoles them into thinking they have some sort of immortality in this world. In the same manner, a man will have a son or will cure Polio. Men carve their names on the stone tablets of history with their cocks.

That is my belief and it is also a fact.

The Army

If there were no women, not a single dime of funding would go to national defense.

Without women, all men would be in the army and our legions would cover the face of the Earth. We would wake to the sound of cannon fire and exploding zeppelins. This army of men would breath fire and break rocks in our hands. The Destruction Derby and colliding chainsaws would be our national anthem and military riches would know no bounds.

War is manly.