Women Invented Taxes: Part 1

Two things in life are inevitable: taxes and women’s fuckups.

Holy shit! What if they’re actually the same thing?

They are the same thing! Women invented taxes.

Let’s take a look at all the precious things my fucking tax dollars pay for. I hate the shit out of taxes. I’m a man and I don’t like getting fucked for something I don’t want to pay for. That’s what they do at beauty salons, or so I’ve heard. They nickel and dime you to death with wax heating charges and appointment guarantee fees. They probably do that at vagina doctors too, but I don’t know shit about vagina doctoring.


Women are the only reason we need policemen — especially lady policemen. Women post their phone numbers on their MySpace pages for fuck’s sake. Do you need any more proof?

If there were no women, there would be no violent crime. In a world of men only, anyone walking around being a cocksucker and trying to steal shit or beat someone up would get his fucking ass handed to him. Not so in a world of women. Violent crime is rampant because women are easy targets. That’s where taxes come in.

Taxes pay for the protection of women. I don’t get why everyone says the Middle East has it so fucked up. The women there can’t walk outside without a man. How is that different than the way it is here? Women in Europe and America can’t walk outside without a man either. It’s just that in our version, the man is wearing a badge and at the end of the day he sends me a fucking bill.


I went to public school and I had mostly women teachers. Women gravitate toward teaching because it’s an easy job that deserves no respect — just like stripping. I can say for certain that on any average day, I bestow upon random children more juicy gems of knowledge than any school will ever have in its publicly funded library or in its staff of publicly funded women. I say shit to kids and they say, “Wow we never thought of it like that.�? Teachers would murder each other for that kind of response and I don’t even have to try.

I’m a man and children respect that men don’t ingratiate themselves to a bunch of money-grubbing rug rats.

If women weren’t so much worse than men at educating, we wouldn’t need schools. We would just send kids into the salt mines for their eight birthday.

“Happy birthday, Shitmouth. Prepare to be educated.�?

Fuck, that’s manly.


Without women, the only cars available would be four wheel drive. Lamborghini’s would be four wheel drive and would reach top speeds of a thousand miles an hour.

Men are better than women.