It’s winter time and that means it’s the season for many of man’s favorite things. Tight sweaters (for obvious reasons), loose sweaters (for putting on those extra pounds), and fire.

I was starting a fire just last night when it occurred to me. I have never seen a woman start a fire.

I don’t think a woman ever has.

Changing a tire is a man’s work as well, but I’ve seen a woman do it. Obviously I haven’t seen a woman do it as many times as I’ve seen a woman attempt do it, but that’s the way life works. Women are just not very good at things.

Starting a fire, however, is something that I’ve never seen a woman do.

Think about it for yourself if you don’t want to take my word for it. Who lights the grill? Who lights the campfires? Who lights the Christmas turkey on fire because he knows everyone is sick of turkey?

Men, that’s who.

The only thing I’ve ever seen women doing while a fire was being started is bitch, and I’m not so sure they knew a fire was being started at all. Women don’t understand cause and effect or anticipation in the same way that men do. That’s why instead of saying, “Let’s go eat,” they say shit like “I’m hungry.” Or instead of, “Can you turn the heat up?” it’s, “I’m cold.”

Boo fucking hoo.

The point is not that women are annoying. I don’t need to write about that. Even women know its true and they don’t know anything. The real point is that women have no concept of power or self-determination. That’s why they whine about what they are instead of just getting off their ass and putting on a tight sweater or eating a fucking sandwich.

That’ll be how the first female presidential campaign gets derailed into the bottom of the goddamn ocean. I can see it now.

“You think you’re hot shit, Madam Senator, but have you ever started a fire?”

“No. My husband takes care of that.”

Damn right he does. That’s what men are for. Taking care of it.

This entry was posted under Wallow in It.