One Cheeseburger, Please. Hold The Jibber Jabber.

If you’re pressed for time on your lunch break and you walk into your favorite restaurant only to see a teamful of broads manning the registers, just turn around and walk the fuck out because you are definitely going to be late for work. Unless you want to be late for work for whatever man reasons you might have. In that case, signal that you’d like all employees in earshot to being a round of bullshit chatting by walking up to the register and ordering.

“Hi. I’d like a cheeseburger and five minutes of giggling. Oh great. Thanks. You already started.”

From Dell to Jack in the Box, women serve customers about as well as they serve pithy, insulting remarks — very poorly. Here’s why.

Everyone knows that men have natural instincts to conquer land and animals. Over ten thousand years, that instinct has evolved to produce thriving economies and the ass kicking’s of diseases and hunger all over the world. Without men grabbing bulls by the horns, the human race wouldn’t even have words for “shelter”, or “no dysentery” or “abortion clinic”. And that would be a waste of everyone’s time.

Women, however, have what is commonly called a “nesting” instinct.

That’s horseshit though. “Nesting” is just another nice name we’ve given to something terrible that women do all the time. Like “empowered”. That’s a nice name we have to use to describe women who behave like whores. “Career driven”. You guessed it: un-fucking-dateable.

What is called a woman’s nesting instinct should be called an infecting instinct. It’s a woman’s natural desire to get into any situation and sour the whole shit with touches of the only things she knows: endless jibber-jabber and kitschy, homey, chumpy little knick knacks and inappropriateness’s. And even with their pictures and plants and hour long birthday breaks, the bottom line is that women are never comfortable at work. That’s why there are so many sexual harassment lawsuits — because women who have jobs are wound up tighter than an epileptic in Vegas.

Women are also extremely insensitive. See for yourself if you want to lose your job. Just tell a hilarious joke to a woman. If women hear anything even slightly off-colour the reason they automatically assume the worst is because that’s how they would have meant it, and that’s insensitive.

The equation here is that women bring their love of sitting at home and gabbing or doing jack shit into the workplace; instead of going with the flow or fitting in the way that men do. When multiplied by a staggering insensitivity to the customer, that equals shitty customer service. And that’s poor business.

That’s why I always say:

A penny saved is a woman fired.