Yoga Is For Sluts

In my second installment of Dick’s Week of Honorary Men, I would like to honor Kristina Kireeva. As you can tell by her first name, she’s a woman, and that makes her the Honorary Man of the Month for October. Good work Miss October.

You can follow the links at the bottom of this article (and I highly recommend you do), but I will sum it up for you here. That’s part of the reason men are so good at everything by the way. If one man does the work, that man shares it with other men. Women keep secrets like they’re poisonous.

Like everything I say about women, I didn’t know how brilliant that was until I proof read it — which as a man I never do.

Kristina Kireeva is a human sex toy — or human pretzel. I don’t know which is more accurate. While the videos I link to range from erotic to horrifying, the message is clear: women doing yoga has fucking nothing to do with health and fitness.

That is a myth.

Women all over the civilized globe are ga-ga for Yoga. In fact, some are calling it the “Babies of the 21st century”. Feel free to use that, it’s actually only myself who’s calling it that thus far. My point is: women couldn’t care fucking less about health and fitness. They’re just as lazy and gold-bricking as they ever have been. Women, however, are obsessed with sex.

When dealing with women, it’s important to remember rule #1: Everything women do is meant to attract men. Women who are into yoga are just women who are really, really into sex and want all men at the gym to know about it. They also want any men who get in their car to know about it. That’s why they leave those rubber stinking mats in their backseat until they can’t fucking smell anymore.

These women think about sex all day most likely. I don’t know. I try not to spend a lot of time pontificating on how women think. There was some Twilight Zone episode about that one time. I believe some kind of alien trash was left somewhere and all sorts of brilliant men minds wasted thousands of collective hours ruminating on what amounted to shit. That’s the same thing.

If that wasn’t an actual Twilight Zone, it doesn’t matter because it obviously should have been. Use your man-magination.

Kristina “The Human Sex Toy” Kireeva is a woman obsessed with yoga. I’m honoring her this month with my most prestigious award because of her work to expose yoga as the kinky and delectable woman-hobby that it is. After all, why else would she post — nay, film in the first place, a video of herself in sexually suggesting and compromising “yoga” positions? There can be no other reason; except perhaps in some kind of dimension where outrageous things such as that are the norm.

This is reality though, and the Smurfs are not fucking real.

Yoga is for Women