Why Women Can’t Drive: Part 4?

Women can’t drive.

Women can’t drive.

Women can’t drive.

Christ, I sound like a parrot — or worse. I nearly sound like a woman!

Not so fast. Like usual, I have a whole new trough of proof for your greedy man snouts. Proof that women can’t drive. And this proof is so man tight, I wouldn’t recommend wearing it as underpants because it will lower your sperm count.

What do Liberace and women have in common?

Well, they both love dick. I’m not talking about me. I never met Liberace. I’m talking about having sex with men. Liberace did it in a tasteful and subtle way, obviously, while women do it with velour pantsuits two sizes too small for their fat asses and with the words “Booty” and “Licious” embroidered across the broadside. Those aren’t even words.

Liberace and women also both wear so many fucking rings they can’t drive for shit.

Remember those Looney Tunes where Bugs Bunny dressed Elmer Fudd up as a woman? You know why that was so funny? Because Elmer Fudd is bald as fuck and pudgy. He doesn’t look anything like a woman. I laugh in the exact same way whenever I see a woman driving. They don’t look like drivers at all! They look like prostitutes.

Fingernails the size of cockroaches, high-heeled, platform sandals, a car ten times bigger than any woman ever has been strong enough to handle — I could go on, and I will; ridiculously sized sunglasses, fingers full of fucking rings, bangs — breasts! How the fuck are women supposed to drive with those goddamn things. That’s like a man trying to cross his legs or crying. We can’t because our enormous balls get in the way.

Go put a jewelry store on your hands and see how well you drive. It’ll be perfectly because you’re a man, but imagine if you were a women. You’d fuck it up. Your hands would be sliding all over the wheel like it was made of baby oil.

Men are so great, we could drive if it was raining baby oil. We could drive a tank with a bucket of rocks if we needed to. Who do you think has been getting all these pregnant broads to the hospital for the last hundred years? Not Madonna.

Liberace probably could drive a car wearing a dozen rings, but he didn’t have to because he made a hundred million dollars doing something a hundred times more complicated. That’s men for you. Always topping themselves with splendor like a man flavoured sundae with an Awesome Berry on top. That’s why a woman will never be president. Attractive women don’t go into politics.

Women do everything fucking backwards.