Feelings Kill

Feelings are good for you? Wrong.


The biggest reason men are better than women is men don’t have any feelings. Feelings are the indestructible sausage cable of shit that tether women to the ground. Feelings are the source of all womankind’s greatest fuckups and inadequacies and also the reason women hate children so much. But here comes something even more shocking.

Feelings kill you.

It is a total fucking myth that men don’t go to the doctor when we need to. As science and several recent research studies have proven, men just don’t get sick. We’re also not sick when we say we’re not sick. Our word is law. We’re men and manly, and manliness turns out to be the cure for all diseases.

Testicles Cure Multiple Sclerosis

That’s what a new study at UCLA says. A testosterone treatment used on men with MS was shown to do all kinds of good things — things with your brain. If you have MS, ask your doctor about it. If you don’t, all you need to know is men are better than women.

Feelings Kill

Feelings not only ruin all sexual encounters, but they also inhibit the healing process.

That’s exactly what a new study from the University of Missouri-Columbia says. Manly men heal faster. Men were given surveys and then measured on their recuperative progress. The ones who showed a marked restriction in their emotion while answering the survey healed about a million times faster.

I’m not talking about shit Neosporin will take out in a few days either. I’m talking about brain damage and spinal cord injuries. Emotionless men’s brains and spines healed faster than those of women — who are all emotional train wrecks. I don’t know how you determine if a woman’s brain is working though. Is it the same way you measure a defective parrot: by throwing peanuts at its head until it falls off the perch.

Penn & Teller

Penn and Teller also did some research on feelings. They encouraged a group of subjects to openly release their emotions and a control group to behave sensibly. Guess what they fucking concluded. The expression of feelings results in the exaggeration and amplification of these feelings. I have known this all along. Emotions are a contest of bullshit; one that women sign up for at the age of two and participate in their whole fucking lives. No wonder women haven’t accomplished shit. They’re training for a fuck-tathalon of emotions every waking minute of every day. I would be exhausted too except that I’m a man and I am never tired or sick.

Emotions Kill You
Testicles Cure MS
Penn & Teller

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