Not On Fire? Thank A Man.

Lady firemen are scum.

Not scum in the way that pedophiles are scum. And not scum in the way that Crystal Gail Mangum, who falsely accused three Duke Lacrosse players of rape, is scum. But scum in the way a man would be if he tried to flush his newborn baby down the toilet because he didn’t want to tell his parents or the father about it.

Lady firemen endanger your life.

Fire stations are like golf courses and conversations, women should stay the fuck out of them because they have nothing to add.

Firemen spend 100% of their time being awesome. They train, they prepare, they save lives — they also nail tons of chicks. Lady firemen spend their time doing half their work and lobbying for separate changing facilities.

When fires are burning the fuck out of everything, lady firemen are worried everyone is getting a free look at their tits. Firemen get the cream of the crop when it comes to women. Some soot and a pair of big rubber pants looks like ten million dollars to women. The last thing firemen want to see is the sour milk of some troll with an eighth of a Y-chromosome floating around in her flotsam.

What a joke.

In 2002, a federal jury awarded over $300,000 to lady-firemen Wedow and Kline because they didn’t want to change or shower in front of a bunch of guys who had just saved lives. If one of those two women had been in that famous World War II parade kiss, they would have sued Life magazine.

In 2006, a federal court declared that fire stations must provide appropriate, sanitary, and private facilities in their fire halls for lady firemen. Sanitary? Some women think oral sex is “gross”. If we’re going by women’s definition of “sanitary”, every fire station needs to look like like the Ritz Carlton. I sure hope California doesn’t need any more airtankers to drop water on the richest real estate in the world. Lady firemen need a mint on their pillow.

And $300,000 in “boo-hoo” money.

For every lady-fireman there is, there’s a man who didn’t get that job. Statistics can be a bitch. Sometimes they don’t matter until you’re the 0.00001% who’s unconscious on your burning toilet in the hands of a woman who isn’t strong enough to lift a pair of men’s issue, fire-retardant pants.

For every ten lady firemen there are, there’s a lady fireman bathroom and a lady fireman changing room — and there’s a hundred arguments about how the state needs to pay for nine more.

“The female locker room bathroom is me, because I’m the only one,” said Bors [a lady fireman]. “To have my own shower is really nice.”

You know what else would be nice? Saving lives. Here’s what the fire chief had to say about it.

“Our funding comes from taxes and we’re not going to raise taxes,” said Capt. Mark Dill of the Piedmont Park Fire Department. “We’re going to have to incorporate that into a budget and come up with a future plan.”

If your house burns down because some woman couldn’t handle a hose properly, that money comes from somewhere. No woman can handle a hose properly, by the way. If you’re not mindful of a woman stricken with sexual mania, she’ll break your dick in half in two strokes. Ask a fireman. He’ll agree with me.

According to the Women in the Fire Service Group’s website, the second biggest issue for women in the fire service is “Hair and Grooming” standards. Unless you’re Rapunzel, and burning children can crawl down your hair to freedom, keep it cut while you’re on the tax payers’ dime. Keep your fucking mouth shut too.

To all women in the fire service: quit.
To all women in law: quit.
To all women in med school: quit.
To all women in the army: quit.

Quit being a problem.

Harrassed into pregnancy?
Lady Fireman Issues.
Ladies’ Rooms on the Way to Fire Stations.
A Hole in the Dyke.