Men. The Safe Sex Sex.

I was reading an interesting book this week called “Freakonomics”. I’m a man so I try to read as much as one book a week. Women do something similar except instead of MacBeth it’s McCall’s and instead of Satre it’s Seventeen. Just like you are what you eat, you are what you read; and women are disposable trash that you can pick up in the grocery line or the street corner. Either way it’s the same price.

The book “Freakonomics” posed the interesting theory that crime took a downfall in the 90’s because of legalized abortions fifteen years earlier. That got me to thinking.

Unwanted babies cause crime? Maybe. I’ll bite on that. If that’s the case then unwanted babies are probably unplanned babies, and unplanned babies come from unprotected sex. Now who’s fault is it that people are having unprotected sex?

Women. Unprotected sex is 100% women’s fault.

There is no fucking reason — no reason at all — that it should even be possible to have unprotected sex in our day and age. The odds of having an unplanned baby should be one in a billion. In fact every child born that isn’t planned for should be the next Jesus Christ, because the last time I checked a billion to one covers the court’s definition of impossible.

The only reason that any fetus is ever aborted is because of a woman — a woman who is too lazy and too dumb to put on a raincoat when it’s raining men.

Let me put it this way. If the police find a meth lab in your house, guess who goes to prison. If Chevron finds oil under your house, guess who gets a big fat retirement check. If someone finds a delicious turkey in your oven, guess who gets the praise for it.

That’s right it’s you. You go to prison, you get the check, you get a big honey glazed pat on the back. However, if it’s a woman’s house and a woman’s oven and someone finds a big unwanted bun in it, guess whose fault it is. Somehow in the world of women and their crappy magic math, it’s 50% your fault.

Fuck that.

Women are to blame for every unwanted baby and every abortion in the world for the same reason that everyone laughs at you when you’re hung over. Because you knew exactly what would happen you dumb shit and you did it anyway. Thinking any differently is like hosting a frat kegger and then being surprised when your house is fucking destroyed.

Have any opinion on abortion you want. Hell write a book on it and call it “Freakonomics 2”; you’re a man and that’s your right as a man. Rest assured, however, that women caused the fucking probably in the first place. You’re simply doing them a courtesy by spending your valuable man-time on it at all.

To every man who’s ever paid for an abortion, completely masculine kudos to you. You’re more responsible than the awful mother you bailed out and you’re a thousand times more generous with yourself than Mother Theresa. It’s funny, women are first in line to claim ownership of their bodies, but once the payments start stacking up, they’re willing to sell some stock.

That’s called integrity. No integrity.