Britney Spears: Not Just Jailbat Anymore (Apparently)

I’ve always wanted to name a phony whore’s Honorary Man of the Month. Little did I know today would be my lucky day! I guess I should have read my horoscope, but I’m not a woman so I don’t waste my time reading fucking self-fulfilling bullshit and if I did I would give a fuck about it.

Gentlemen and all the women here who behave like little girls and not ladies and are fucking forbidden from reading this anyway, may I present’s Honorary Man of the Month for July:

Britney Spears.

Britney “Hit me” Spears recently posed for the cover of Bazaar magazine. No big deal right? Women whore for attention every day. Who fucking cares?

Well, I care because this time the whore was pregnant as fuck! And boy does she show it!

Don’t believe me? I envy you. You, unlike me, won’t subject yourself to looking for the pictures of said mother-to-be in all their travesty. You’ll likely have a good laugh at an unappetizing by comically absurd future that may have been and go on your merry man-way. Besides, babies are like a James fucking Bond License to Whore. This is almost a non-event.

Then I got to thinking: where have I seen this kind of behavior before? Being a man, I immediately thought of an answer.

Men; that’s where I’ve seen it. Men do this type of man-shit all the time. We don’t whore for attention; we don’t pose for pregnant photos; and we don’t hold our babies like they’re heads of cabbage whilst we’re walking recklessly around New York or driving down to the fucking market for more scotch and hopefully a pack of condoms for fuck’s sake, but what we do do is not give any kind of a fuck how we look for pictures.

That’s what I see on this month’s cover of Bazaar; someone who clearly gives absolutely no fuck about looking like shit in front of a lot of people — and I mean a lot of people. I can’t think of anything more manly and mantastic.

Go look at wedding photos. Go back to the 70’s if you want. See all those moustmanstaches (moustaches) in your face? See those guys grinning like they’re doing a good thing? They are. Moustaches are fucking hideous, but so is everything done by Jackson Pollock. That doesn’t mean they’re also not precious works of fucking art that will blow your man-ass completely off and also the pants of all the hot ladies who get too close.

Congratulations Miss July. I think I can speak for everyone when I say I would absolutely love to hit you one more time.