Women Ruining Television

Women queer every deal that they’re apart of and they watch shit for television.

That’s not me coming at you with a dose of truth. That’s 84-year-old, legendary BBC television presenter Sir Patrick Moore.

“I was in hospital once and I watched a whole episode of Eastenders. I suppose it’s true to life. But so is diarrhea — and I don’t want to see that on television” – Sir Patrick Moore

Neither do I, Sir Patrick. Unless it’s on House.

For those of you who don’t know, Eastenders is a show for women and it fucking sucks.

Women have ruined television. They’ve infected sports with female sideline commentators who don’t wear bikinis and talk like someone just punched them in the throat. They’re eating up valuable time slots with shit programming and valuable numbers on the dial with shit networks. And they’ve soured Star Trek and Barbarian shows with emotionless school marm’s and beefy dominatrixes who belong at the salad bar. Hercules was an awesome show because Lucy Lui ruined it with her shitty spin off.

Television is flawed and fucked and let me tell you why. I’m also going to tell you what you can do to fix it. Don’t worry, it’s not some girly petition or exercise in bitchy letter writing. Writing letters has never accomplished shit. That’s what war is for.

The flaw with television is that a TV show doesn’t have to compete with other TV shows for your attention. If that were the case, every show on television would be a ground-breaking comedy or a gripping drama that would either have you pissing your pants or leave you in a daze, spellbound and tearfully calling loved ones or thanking Christ you’re exactly who you are. That’s not the case though is it.

Television is flawed because it has to compete with women and their immature attitudes and their shitty senses of everything. While television is benevolently beaming entertainment into your house and all over your face in 1080 pixels or whatever they are, there’s a good chance some obnoxious want-wit cunt is sitting somewhere near you complaining for attention.

“This show is boring!”
“Law and Order again!”
“Nicholas Cage thinks he’s so great!”
“Cartoons are stupid.”

You’re stupid. Shut the fuck up.

You can’t say that in response to everything a woman says though. You can, obviously. You’re a man, you can do whatever you want. But if you do, you’ll have no time for anything else. Women don’t have any self respect. Tell them to shut the fuck up and they’ll talk to you even more. They’ll say something even stupider just to hear it again. It’s like you’re giving a dog a piece of bacon and then holding a plateful over its head. Women are that fucking annoying Simon game, except every button you press makes the same shitty sound — and so does the OFF switch.

So what does television do to shut women up? According to Sir Patrick Moore, television introduces shitty programming designed to titillate the insane and childish fancies of women for half the time, and the intellectual, sophisticated male palettes the other half of the time.

Wear jeans with a tuxedo jacket or throw up all over yourself during your college graduation. That’s exactly what happens when you take something as dumb and classless as women and their humor and combine it with something educated and highly-developed like what appeals to the male man-brain. You get something that’s fucked.

Every single bit of programming on television is half fucked and bent backwards for the entertainment of women. The News is fucked because of every little giggle and “am I doing a good job, Daddy?” expression the female anchors give their stouty male counterparts. Serious dramas are fucked for every piece of inexplicable eye candy and juvenile subplot shoved down our throats to keep women entertained. Sitcoms are fucked and boring because women get frightened when the scenery changes more than twice in an episode.

That time when Friends went to London and Chandler and Monica had sex? Ten women had heart attacks because of that. They thought Joey was going to get hit by a car going in “the wrong direction”. Guess America will never see London on television again.

Women and their Nature of Ruin have ruined television. Thank you, Sir Patrick Moore. I wish I had a higher honorarium than knight to bestow on you for speaking the truth about this. Amen, sir. Amen.

I’ll tell you what you can do to help fix this problem though. All problems can be fixed if you have a penis. That’s what God intended you to do with it.

Go to a baby store and buy one of those brightly colored flashing globe things you’re supposed to hang over cribs. Now glue it to the top of the television and watch whatever the fuck you want. No woman will be able to escape the pull of the brightly illuminated colors. Women have moth shit in their skulls.

Super Sir Patrick Moore Says Men Are Better Than Women