Civil Servants, Civil Safety Hazzards

It was Tuesday recently and as I like to do on Tuesdays I spent the evening on my porch with a fine cigar and a glass of that Rare Kentucky Bourbon. I was attempting to light my cigar with the entire book of matches because I had seen someone do that recently only to find that matches are more combustible than they look.

Thankfully, I was completely unharmed. However, after I stomped out the book of matches and a trash can fire I found myself thinking:

If I had just caught the house on fire, would I feel safe knowing that there’s a 2% chance my rescue could be blundered by a lady fireman?

Absolutely not, I decided. Absolutely not.

Men are better than women at being firemen and policemen and any other job that ends in “men” for obvious reasons. Men are stronger with their muscles and faster with their feet. What else do we need to prove that, especially for these two jobs — some kind of built in hose or gun?

I think we all know I’m talking about the penis there.

The point is that it’s so obvious, it’s painfully obvious. And when I say painful, I mean to the thousands of people out there who have suffered for a lack of strength, speed, or quick, rational thinking during a crisis. Sure, there’s a test women have to pass in order to meet the “minimum requirement” of strength and agility, but let me tell you what my problem with that is.

There’s a test.

The only test we men need in this instance is our good old man-reason. That’s how we make the top-notch decisions that we do in matters of mere seconds — even when we aren’t under pressure to do so, and sometimes without even thinking at all. It’s instinct. If a lady cop were to get punched in the face, our man-reason tells us that she wouldn’t be able to take it as well as a real cop. Same with a lady fireman.

Also, can you see a lady fireman throwing two burning children over her shoulders and carrying them out of a pet store? No. But I bet you can see a woman throwing two legs over the side of an arm chair and taking a snooze at three in the afternoon. Too bad they don’t have a test for that.