Give a Moose a Muffin, Women are Inconsiderate

Men are so much more considerate than women that it makes me want to start spitting all over the place. I’m a man though, so before I act, I think. I don’t just do whatever I feel like doing. In this case, I ask myself, “Hey is someone going to have to clean that up.” And if the answer is yes, I don’t do it — unless it’s going to be really funny. Then that person will probably understand.

That’s why men don’t ask for directions; because giving directions is a huge pain in the ass. You have to stop and try to remember what you’re thinking about for later and then walk some jackass down the street in your mind. Women don’t know how much of a pain in the ass it is because no one on Earth has ever asked a woman for directions. What would be the point of that? It would be like punching a valet in the stomach as you handed your keys over. In other words: stupid.

Men also don’t like inconveniencing other men by asking them to move all their shit from one apartment to another. Again, women have no idea how inconvenient it is to move someone’s shit because their idea of moving is to wear a baseball cap for a day and pretend that that makes them not a bitch. Not even Frosty’s hat could do that.

When a woman tries to be considerate, or nice, what she does is something that she wants to do, and then prepares a torrent of terrible fury for when she is not honored like a war hero for doing it.

“Oh you tidied up the blank, did you? Great. So I guess everything is now permanently lost. How wonderful it is that you did that.”

Except you’d better not say that with any kind of sarcasm or you’re fucked. Man’s greatest crime is consistently stating the obvious. It doesn’t matter that it doesn’t make any kind of sense without sarcasm. Women barely know the meaning of words anyway. That’s why they never make any sense themselves.

A guy asking women for directions would be a good late night talk show bit actually. One of those bits where everyone laughs at how outlandish and absurd of an answer someone can give when they legitimately have no fucking clue what they’re talking about. That’s women alright — as well as rude and crass and selfish.