Why Can’t Women Hook Up a VCR?

There are two things women can’t do:

Hook up a VCR and Everything.

If you have ever seen a woman do either of those two things, you were either manlucinating or watching a transvestite. Loss of Man Points for the latter.

The only thing a woman has ever hooked up is her best friend with probably the worst boyfriend she will have ever had. Women love setting their friends up with progressively shitty boyfriends. They’re like some manly explorers club where men in dapper hats and monocles congregate and discuss manly things like jungle safari adventures and shit, trying to top each other with daring and heroic exploits; except it’s women and their only goal is to fuck each other’s lives as horribly as possible.

That may sound deplorable and even ridiculous to you as a man, but as a man you also realize women love misery. They wear it like a medallion or a pair of uncomfortable shoes that were discounted at a price no one gives a fuck about. In the culture of women, which is a stupid and backward one, if one woman isn’t actively trying to fuck up the lives of all other women around her, she isn’t being a very good friend.

Chew on that with your man teeth.

It’s the same with a VCR. If the VCR is “working”, then there’s nothing to complain about. If there’s nothing to complain about, then a woman just might as well throw herself into traffic because she sure as hell can’t be productive like a man can. Look at it this way, when do you put new batteries in your smoke detector? After a fire of course. Women are the smoke detectors of life. When you’re already choking on burning timber, it’s their job to tell you so in the most obnoxious way possible. If men were smoke detectors the smoke detector would text message you with things to remember during a fire like stay down and keep your mouth covered and all the things you should drag out of the house.

And why the fuck do smoke detectors run on batteries anyway if they’re so fucking important. My doorbell never needs to be replaced.

The answer is because they’re exactly like women: useless and a poorly designed. I know when my house is on fire because my ass will be on fire. I know when the VCR is not hooked up because I will be in the middle of fucking hooking it up. I’m a man. I don’t need any alarm shrieking in my fucking ear like it knows a goddamn thing about anything.

Women can’t do shit, they can’t build shit, they can’t even eat delicious things like The Truth unless you shove it down their fucking throats. Why can’t they do a simple thing like hook up a VCR? Maybe they think it’s rape. How the fuck should I know.