Women: Not As Dumb As They Act

There’s nothing I like to see more than women proving men are better than women. It’s such a joy because women do it with the same level of class, tact, and subtlety they use in everything: not a goddamn bit.

The ultimate question was put to women recently: would you rather work for a man or some type of she-devil who resembles your mother only in body and never in tenderness, usefulness, or grace?

Oh wait, there is something I like to see more than women proving men are better than women. Ten hot babes in bikinis. Awesome.

Women hate female bosses, according to a new study brought to us by the woman-magazine entitled Elle — but not pronounced that way. Typical. When men present studies, they do it in journals and scientific literatures and other things that don’t contain condom ads. Women do it on glossy paper between tips on losing winter fatness and inappropriate articles about periods and gross like that. That’s why no one takes women seriously. Kids learn how to read and count from jackasses in purple dinosaur costumes. No one takes them seriously.

If you ask me, this whole argument is moot because there’s no such thing as a female boss. She’s just a middle manager or some higher-up man-boss’s secretary. You have to have balls to be the boss and no woman has those, so what the fuck is the big deal? This is just another excuse for women to complain about a problem that doesn’t exist.

Shall I revisit the date rape statistics?

Fuck, I’ve listened to a ten-minute female dissertation on how men’s bathrooms are more convenient to get to than female bathrooms — and how it’s also some big architectural conspiracy, which is a field dominated by men. Here’s a thought. Maybe architecture is male-dominated because we know you can’t put two different bathrooms right the fuck on top of one another.

In a recent poll, men and women were asked which gender they’d rather work for. Out of all the women who weren’t too terrified to actually speak their mind when asked, three out of four said they’d rather answer to a man than a woman. That means 75% of women agree men are better than women. Case closed. I’m not sure how many women would rather get Chlamydia or be a surrogate birth mother than work for a female boss, but I imagine that percentage is high as well. Either is less painful and embarrassing than covering up for the fuck ups of a lady boss.

These women were then asked which qualities of womankind made them such shitty bosses. Instead of reading the list, I invented one and assumed it was the same.

Dick’s Reasons Women Make Shitty Bosses

Women are cheap as shit. It takes money to make money!
Women are catty and vindictive.
Women have a ticking time bomb in their uterus called a womb — or wherever the fuck it is.
Women end all their sentences in questions even when no question is evident.
Women think “gossipy” is a word when surveyed for a serious news publication.

Women don’t want female bosses any more than women want female employees. Actually, that’s a good survey that I’m going to take right now in my head.

What percentage of female bosses want female employees?

Fucking zero.

The only reason women claw to the first rung of corporate buck passing is because they want to lord it over the men who work for them like it’s the penis they wish they had. Unless it’s a Christmas party and they’re in a cake, women don’t belong at work. Even women know that and they don’t know a goddamn thing.

Survey Says!