There Are No Good Ways to Skin a Cat

Shaving is one of the most manly things there is — so is not shaving. Actually that’s the definition of manly: the ability to do something or not do something at your own prerogative and then the decision whether or not to do it. That will work for today anyway.

You see, growing up as a man you learn that during life decisions have to be made and it’s your role as a man to make them. Who the fuck else is going to do it? A woman? Let’s not be fatuous. Women are functionally retarded.

And that’s exactly what I say when I hear a woman telling a man how he needs to shave. Are you being fatuous? She rarely is.

What she is doing is being childish and immature. Men evolved beyond leaving our mark on things to show that we own them thousands of years ago. That’s when we invented underpants. Women, however, did not. That’s why they try and turn you into their own personal Wooly Willy. Pulling and prodding and shaving bits of hair here and there without having a fucking clue about how a man is supposed to look.

Women don’t care either. They don’t care how it affects you and they don’t care if it makes them look like a jackass. If women ever cared about looking like a jackass, obsessing about a man’s facial hair would have to get in line behind giant fucking insect sunglasses and Girls Gone Wild.

Women don’t give a shit because they don’t give a shit about anything. They can’t have feelings the way we men do. The only feeling women have is an all-consuming greed and a manic envy of ownership — especially when it comes to the penis.

That obnoxious “it scratches my face” line is a bunch of bullshit too. Not that it’s whiney and bullshit or that I’m tired of it, it’s just a complete lie. If awesome beards were scratchy then they would scratch the face of the man wearing it as well. Unless we’re supposed to believe that beards are like some kind of one-way mirror except for scratching. Yea right. It’s complete bullshit.

The fact of the matter is that women are so terrible at running their own lives that they try to force their will on men in order to vicariously not be a human cluster fuck. When you’re wanting to not fuck up, the best way is to start with a good foundation, and being a woman and trying to not fuck up is like building a house in the middle of a volcano. By the time you find your tape measure, you’re already on fire and probably pregnant. That’s why women like pretending like they’re not hopeless by building their house off of a man’s clean shaven fucking face. This is step one people.

You know who else forces their will on others like that? Rapists. For all the bitching that women do about rapists they sure love the fucking mentality. As if emotional rape is any different than rape regular-style. It’s actually worse. Way worse.