Helping a Fattie

Sometimes, I feel like the doors of a Hometown Buffet ten minutes before it opens. Every day, dozens of fat broads line up to bust me down.

Settle down you fucking cows, they serve that shitty lasagna all day.

Today, I’m going to be talking about one of these fatsos. One who has captured my attention like a humpback whale off the coast of Big Sur. Fellows and gentlemen, meet Donna Jackson.

[Picture removed. Explained below.]

Today, I’m giving Donna Jackson the chance to shut down

This past week, Donna spent dozens of hours commenting on this website and sending me poorly spelled hatemail. She also set up a petition, complained to my webhost, and alerted the National Organization for Women. Her goal? To shut me the fuck down by screaming as loud as she possibly could.

That might work on the short and fat bus, Donna — which you obviously rode to elementary school — but it doesn’t work in the real world. In the real world, I have freedoms of speech not only as an American, but also as someone who realizes Daddy is not an omnipotent being who erases anything and everything you disagree with. So fuck you anyway. None of your two-ton tantrums will do shit and you will never have the power to shut me down.

Until now.

Edutainment has always been focused on manly entertainment and education. That’s edutainment, and it serves to better all men. For example, a young man who realizes that women in the workplace are conniving little whores who do nothing at work all day but instant message each other and cause drama, will make more money than his uneducated peers. Studies have shown this.

Every man I convince to not get married saves like 300,000 dollars and God knows how much begging for pussy.

Today, I want to offer this same opportunity for self-improvement to one lucky young woman: Donna Jackson

Dick’s Fattie Outreach Program

Inside every great big blob, there’s a skinny little tramp just dying to get out and have a good time. That’s why fat chicks are so pissed off at “society”. To fat girls, everyone in society but them is thin as a rail and having a great time fucking each other without wanting to puke. I want to give Donna Jackson the chance to live that dream.

The following is an excerpt from a piece of hatemail penned by Donna Jackson.


Of course while Donna was saying such obviously false and hateful things, I heard what she was really saying.

“I’m fat, Dick, and I don’t know how to stop! Please help!”

Donna, I am going to help. I’m going to be your Dr. Phil. And just like Dr. Phil, I am also not having sex with his wife!

Shut Down!

In the name of laughs and ending youth obesity, I hereby offer a challenge to Miss Donna Jackson. Sweetheart, if you can lose 20 pounds, I will shut down for one month.

You heard that right, readers. If one lonely fat girl who is obsessed with shutting this site down can drop a mere 20 pounds, every feminists’ secondary wet dream will come true. will be gone.

Every feminists’ primary wet dream is to have a dick. Either in them or on them; it doesn’t matter to a feminist.

Donna Jackson is a size 18. For those of you who don’t give a fuck about sizes above 4, a size 18 tips the scales at a whopping 230+ pounds. That’s a lot of woman to love! Hell, if Donna’s picture is anything to go by, it’s two women! Donna has to shed a measly 8% of that gargantuan body mass to shut me down. She could take up walking for an hour every day. She could do a few situps while watching television. Fuck, she could switch from Party Size to Fun Size Doritos and have pounds to spare!

But the real question is, will she?

If she does take me up on this challenge, I won’t expect a “thank you”, for introducing Donna to a healthier lifestyle. I won’t expect a “you were right”, for proving that skinny girls are happier. This is something I will give her for free simply because I am a better person.


If Donna accepts this challenge, I will post the rules here, including the weigh-in procedure and any and all deadlines. Donna has freely posted her email address on this site for discussion. If you would like to urge her to participate in the Shut Down Challenge, you can find it here: [email protected] But keep it classy! This girl has enough problems already. Women don’t get fat because they’re happy about their life.

Youth obesity is one of the greatest threats to our nation’s health. It leads to heart failure, injury, and me being grossed out daily. There is no fucking reason a 21 year old girl should weigh 230 pounds. A 21 year old girl has two good years left. She shouldn’t waste them sitting on a toilet shitting out five meals a day.

Let’s set a good example for young girls out there, Donna. Skinnier is better. No matter how much skinnier that is. Besides, if you spent half as much time exercising as you do calling me dickless and hateful, you’d drop that third chin like it was a baby you didn’t even know you were giving birth to because you were too fucking fat to notice.


On September 30th, this comment was posted:

This is what I wrote to NOW: “There is a website called that is not some small fringe extremist site. It has gotten coverage on several episodes of Dr. Phil and other media outlets and promotes hate and violence against women. NOW needs to take action. Donna Jackson, [email protected].”


Picture Removal

In an email to me, Donna confessed taking a picture (previously shown above) from a random fat girl on MySpace and claiming it as her own. I verified this and removed the picture. Only God knows what Donna Jackson actually looks like — something I’m sure He isn’t happy about.