Female Mosquitoes and Female Women are the Same

Did you know only female mosquitoes suck your blood? That’s right. Mansquitoes don’t do shit but relax at home I guess — whatever a mosquito would do if it wasn’t being an asshole.

One, two, three and that’s it. With that last item I now have three reasons why women are the same as mosquitoes. That means I can write about it.

Women and mosquitoes both:
1. Suck your blood.
2. Hate “bananas”.
3. Never stop buzzing in your fucking ears.

I’m so confident in my man-race I didn’t even look up the fact that only female mosquitoes suck your blood. A man told it to me. I assume it’s true.

That’s how confident in men I am. I’m just putting it out there as a fact like that because there is absolutely no chance in hell that a man would be wrong about something like that. It’s science and it’s a fact. As far as men are concerned, that’s like having two dead-bolts on a bowling ball. The fucking thing is secure.

Women on the other hand — actually, now that I think about it a woman told me mosquitoes hate bananas. She was a married woman, meaning she’s smarter than women of the single, unmarriable variety, but she was a woman nonetheless. It was probably bullshit.

A simple check of the manternet confirms my suspicions. Mosquitoes indeed do not give a shit about bananas. Why am I not surprised.

It’s because women spread bad advice like they’re playing a life-long game of freeze tag.

“I have a problem,” says a man. “I have something to say that has nothing to do with your problem except probably to exacerbate it,’ says a woman, ‘which I don’t even understand because we women don’t learn words over three syllables. Want to know how I feel about that?”

No I do fucking not.

Gender across species is transcendental. Women mosquitoes suck blood; women human beings suck your dreams and your life right out of your neck. Man essence is easier to get at and more fun somewhere else, but women don’t go down for either of those: easy or fun. They only go down for money. Otherwise, everything’s got to be the hard way all the damn time. Being around women is like watching a broken Rudy DVD that skips and stalls before anything pays off. It’s just a bunch of work.

Someone pass the citron.