There Goes the Judge

A twenty-four year mistake in America is going to be sorted out soon enough. The mistake? Appointing the first woman ever to the Supreme Court.

Justice Sandra Day O’Connor retired this Fourth of July weekend to parts and for reasons unknown.

For those of you not familiar with the processes and protocols of the United States legal system, the Supreme Court is a body of either twelve or nine people who draw the line between right and wrong. They say you can do this, you can’t do that. We all know that women are very good at the latter, but does that qualify one to be on the Supreme Court?


I’m not being some kind of asshole here either. Unless being an asshole is pointing out that women have no business dropping their two cents into the arena when it comes to shaping the fate of an entire nation. In that case, then I’m the asshole.

Women don’t belong in positions like that because women have one ideology their whole lives. They make up their minds about everything under the sun when they’re very young and they stick to their mindset like some kind of lifesaving buoy amidst a sea of storming knowledge and wisdom attempting to batter its way into their brain. Is that the kind of attitude you want on the bench? Staunch, consistent, unwavering? Fuck no.

What you need on a Supreme Court is a risk-taker. Someone who’s not afraid to mix it up when he thinks that getting the job done requires ruffling a few feathers — someone who challenges authority at every step. You want someone who’s not afraid to say, “You know what I was wrong this whole time. I’m making different and totally opposite calls from now on.” Because that shows we’re all making some progress.

We all know who I’m describing up there too. A man.

Everyone is going to be kissing retired judge ass over the next few weeks, and we’re all going to hear phrases like “staunch moderate”, “competent judge”, and “Come on, she was the first woman in the Supreme Court. That’s a big enough deal.”, but where’s the epitaph? None of that could be engraved on a statue at some point. So what the fuck are we going for here?

Women set the bar as low as it can possible go and when they trip over it, they call it a brave new world of gender equality. What’s been lost here is not a Supreme Court Justice at all, but more of an automated voting machine just spinning the wheels and balancing out the scale. What we really have to ask ourselves is, was this whole O’Connor thing just another one of Ronald Reagan’s hilarious practical jokes? He was a legendary cut up after all.

That’s for you to decide.