Women Could Be Great…

Through some creative editing liberties, the Dr. Phil show gave America this gem from yours truly, Dick Masterson.

“Women could be great.” -Dick Masterson

Just like everything I’ve ever said or ever will say, I stand by that. Women could be great. Women could be successful, intelligent, happy, and even wise. They just have to follow these two steps:

1. Shut the fuck up.
2. Listen to a man.

And then repeat those steps as often and as quickly as possible. Otherwise, what you have on your hands is an unhappy bitch who needs a leash.

“Shut the fuck up and listen to a man,” is the missing page from my All Purpose Womanual for Ladies the Dr. Phil people chopped off. A puppet can’t fuck up, and neither can a woman while she’s doing what she’s told. I have personally seen a woman hook up a stereo. It was amazing, it turned me on, and she did it by following my instructions as silently as possible.

But does she deserve any credit? How is hammering in a nail yourself different from instructing a woman to hammer in a nail? In the latter case, you’re just using an extra tool and taking twice as long. The man-brain is still calling the shots.

How is being the president of the United States different from instructing your wife to do it? If she’s following my Womanual, you just bought yourself a second term.

There has been no great human endeavor dependent on a woman. Science, medicine, the Kentucky Derby, even motherhood is dependent on a man. Without a man, motherhood is called “martyrdom”. Getting drunk with no panties on and passing out outside of a club does not count as a “great human endeavor”. And “dependent on” does not mean “employs a statistically representative sample”. That is bullshit.

The percentage of women who were Leonardo da Vinci is always going to be zero.

Men have an inherent greatness and betterness over all things. We can understand where facts and figures come from. Contrary to what women believe, statistics are not brought into our lives by a magical man-stork who wants to punish women with math. Quite the contrary. Statistics are a numerical representation of reality. For example, the statistic that says the average American woman is 5’4″ and weights 165 lbs. is a numerical representation of the reality that American women are big fat fucking pigs.

Here’s another statistic: 100% of Australian women are frigid and annoying.

Men can grasp the nature of cause, effect, and their implications on the world around us. We can create something of value from nothing. We can have sex with many different partners while not feeling bad about it. That’s awesome.

Women could be great. But just because a log could be a cigar store Indian doesn’t mean it won’t get termites. Just because a woman apes her way into the Fortune 500 doesn’t mean she isn’t a single romantic addiction away from epic self-sabotage.

There is no exception to the rule. There is only submission to it.

Tossing scads of “successful” women into a bag, lighting it on fire, and then putting it on my door step is not a practical joke against me and it’s certainly not a practical joke against manliness. It proves my fucking point. The only way women can be successful is by acting like men for as long as their wicked tongues will let them. That doesn’t mean some women are great. That doesn’t mean some women could be great. That means men are better than women.