This question comes to me from William Black.

I wonder why women use “LOL”, “ROFL”, and “STFU”‘s when they type. Is it some cutesy, stupid thing added to distract from the fact that their woman argument holds no water? Have you ever seen a man use one of those? I think not.

I talk to my man-mates with instant messaging as little as possible. Each instant message you send is a loss of 2 Man Points. You better believe I lose Man Points as little as possible.

The same rate goes for text messaging as well. Unless you’ve worked out an unlimited Man Point text messaging program with your local Man Bank.

Text and instant messaging are what happens when you take 100 billion dollars of telecommunications technology and paint it pink.

Whenever I see women communicating online, I see a number of things:

1. Gratuitous typos.
2. Shitty punctuation.
3. Arcane symbols of which I am unfamiliar: LOL, BRB, IDK, IJAG.

That last one stands for: I’m just a girl.

As a man, my punctuation is beyond perfection. Women with degrees and without children constantly try to correct me on it, but I ask you ladies this: why does my punctuation need correction if you understood what I was saying in the first place?

Fuck off my website.

It seems like women use abbreviations like LOL and STFU because they have no personality. However, this is not the case. The reason women obsessively list their favorite bands and books is because they have no personality. As if being a whore with favorite books somehow makes you better than the whore who likes Christina Aguilera.

Women use internet abbreviations because they have a neurotic compulsion to adhere to rules like pieces of magnetic shit on the front of a fridge — a fridge in the middle of the city dump. At all times, women are concerned with how they “should be” acting. Should they be excited about something? Should they be sad about something? If it means taking a risk and ruffling some feathers, a woman isn’t going to say it.

That’s why women’s magazines constantly crap out boilerplate articles on the same uninspired topic:

“How to like men.”
“It’s okay to like men.”
“Get over yourself, you frigid cow.”

Women need to know it’s okay to do anything. That’s why they vow to obey men when they get married. Obeying eases their fragile woman minds. And that’s also why they use LOL, STFU, and GIWIWAS. Women need to tell each other it’s okay to proceed. Subtlety, context, and tact is something completely foreign to them.

Women give each other lame clues and codes like marines give each other hand signs on the battlefield. The only difference is, marines are saving the free world, whereas woman are trying not to make each other feel bad for being fucking fat.

GIWIWAS = God, I Wish I Was A Stripper.