Men Are Better In Bulk

Men are better than women at buying groceries and we have been since the beginning of time.

Men invented gathering for the same reason. We’re better. Primitive women went out, found some vegetables growing in the ground, and then ate and shat them right there. That’s not called gathering, that’s called Ladies Night.

That’s why modern women are always complaining about not being taken out enough by their boyfriends. They want it so much because they don’t understand how to take themselves out. Once they find some food they’ll just fall asleep at the fucking table. I’ve seen forty year old women perpetrate that shit.


Women are selfish as shit when they shop for groceries. A woman in the grocery store is just like one in the bedroom. She’s selfish as fuck and if you don’t spell out everything you want on a fucking list she’s not going to know what to do.

What else besides selfishness explains two emergency boxes of tampons in your bathroom and not a single emergency 4 pack of Boddingtons in your refrigerator? A woman may need her dirty womanly things at any time, but a man might also need a Boddingtons at any moment. Perhaps some man mates will drop by unexpectedly, or that movie about Steve Prefontaine might come on. That is a good movie.

Fucking Shopping Lists

Women run everything in their lives according to lists. That’s why fashion is such a big deal to them. Fashion is like being thirty and having your mother pick out your clothes for you every day. Although maybe women should do that. I bet rape statistics would go down.

If there is something that looks delicious at the grocery store, it should be purchased. You don’t know everything there is at the grocery store every time you go. At one point in grocery shopping history, salt and vinegar potato chips were brand new. No one had even thought to put them on the list. That’s when you’ve got to shop with your manstincts. You’ve got to snatch that shit right off the shelf because it looks delicious — maybe even open the bag before you get to the register and give the cashier a look that says, “Fuck you. I’m not five years old. I’m not going to spill a bunch of chips all over your precious fucking register.�?

But then really try not to spill them. That could be a major loss of Man Points.

Broken Carts

Women do like 99% of all grocery shopping. The remaining 1% consists of alcohol and snacks — also known as social food — and is done by men. That means the general state of ruin most shopping carts are in can be blamed entirely on women and their shitty driving and lack of respect for other people’s property.