Rock the Vote, Don’t Tip the Vote Over

The world used to be a much nicer place. I know this because I’m a man and that means that I read books. Books and dogs and the spirits of liquor are a man’s best friend, whereas a woman’s best friend is a fun house mirror that makes her look even fatter than she is and a tape recorder shaped like a man’s head she can bitch to about it.

The only mistake man ever made was valuing a woman’s opinion at more than the worth of a dead dog. They can’t do shit. They can’t think for shit. What the fuck is the point. Also, women shouldn’t vote.

Here’s a quotable quote for you:

“A sure sign of an empire’s decline is the rise of feminism.”

-Sir John Glubb, 1897-1986

Feminism is that term they used in Deep Impact for that big asteroid that’s going to fuck everything on Earth. I forget what the term is because I’m a man and I have more important things to do than remember or look up the minutiae of some stupid fantasy world. It meant that everything was about to get completely fucked in a terrible way and that’s good enough. Sir John knew this about feminism for one reason: feminism begets women voting and women voting begets a system of government so fucked up that it picks up the platter of civilization and throws it against the wall like a plate of spaghetti in the hands of a petulant toddler.

It’s not because women have haired brained ideas either! Or because the only reason women ever work for a cause is to piss off their fathers and really have absolutely no understanding of the true nature of social activism.

Women vote with their sexual organs. That’s the problem. They don’t even get the chance to fuck up the decision with their heads, which are full of mulch and chicken shit. That sounds like a good thing, but it actually isn’t. It’s actually a bad thing.

Like usual, it’s not women’s fault. Who can blame them for voting with their sex drive? Politicians are powerful, sinister bastards who love babies. Women love that. Of course they’re going to vote for the candidate they’d most like to fuck! It’s the only thing they can think of when they’ve got their pretty little overwhelmed heads in the voting booth and the wand or pencil or chad-puncher or whatever the hell they’re using to vote with in their hand.

Letting women vote is like men shopping when they’re hungry and everything in the store has Elvira on the package. Fuck. Ten packs of frozen corn dogs and fried onions teaches you that’s a stupid idea. Then you don’t do it anymore. With women, it’s the same thing, except their always hungry. Hungry for a sexual carnality that has no place in the processes of government.

Women shouldn’t be allowed to vote. In the best case scenario, it gives married men the advantage of having two votes (because a good wife shuts the hell up and votes with the brain of the family). And that’s bad because being married is a mistake in the first place. Should the government be decided by the betrothed? Those of us bewitched, beguiled, bedeviled by the not as good sex?

No. That’s stupid.