Dress For Failure Doesn’t Rhyme

Have you ever heard a woman talk about a man wearing a suit? Good Lord, it’s disgusting. Whenever my man-sense (which is a lot like common sense except hundreds of times more powerful) tells me that the topic is a-brewin, I immediately reach for a pair of galoshes because all of the nearby women are about to commence drooling like savages.

It makes one wonder, if women are so obsessed with how men dress, why do all women dress like complete shit?

Walk down the street and see how many men have dressed poorly for the day. You might find a few teenage men who haven’t quite gotten it figured out yet, but otherwise, you’ll see nothing but impeccable class. You’ll see men wearing business suits and smart-looking blazers maybe; both of which are appropriate for where a man spends most of this day: the workplace. Even the men you see who yield freely and of their own accord to the desire for sustenance, will disguise their bulk like a great and powerful chameleon, by donning the occasional Hawaiian shirt or other ingenuous piece of flair.

This is an art that men have been practicing for thousands of years. Not to impress women, but because men have class. If all we wanted to do was impress women, then we would just walk around naked all the time. That would obviously work. Why do you think women revert to fifth grade giggling over a man wearing a neck tie? I’ll give you a hint. It rhymes with, and also is: the penis.

If I was some kind of alien being and I had to estimate how long women have been dressing themselves based on their appearance on my first visit to Earth, I would have to guess about a week.

First of all, no woman has ever disguised anything about her appearance. They think that everything pertaining to them and who they are is great and brilliant — no matter how disgusting or how much of it there is; and that it should be shoved right in everyone’s face. This is true in absolutely every instance.

Secondly, we all know that the easiest and fastest way possible to get attention is by making a completely catastrophe of yourself.