A Woman’s Version of Self-Reliance

A woman with self-reliance is like a bowling ball rolling down the street. You don’t need to pay attention to it unless it’s your bowling ball or your car in the way. If either of those are true, get your running shoes on or your credit card out. You’re about to pay for a fuck up.

No matter how many signs there are in front of an out of control bowling ball — telling it to turn around, shut the fuck up, or not return the calls of a guy who will only let it see his penis in the dark — the bowling ball won’t notice. Bowling balls are as dense as trash-compacted shit.

So are women.

Women and bowling balls will destroy anything in their path to satisfy their compulsive greed. Women crave attention and bowling balls crave speed; both will destroy lives, children, and their marriage to get more. Women are unlike bowling balls because no matter how drunk you get a bowling ball, you can’t fuck it. Like mine, your dick is way too big.

A woman’s version of self-reliance is fucking up so much on her own, she doesn’t have to ask for help. Someone has to physically force “help” up her metaphysical ass.

Women don’t have the man-brains suited for problem solving like men do. That’s why women have only invented like two things and neither was something that had a compass on it for convenience. What the fuck would a woman ever need with a compass? They don’t even know how to use them.

“Does the direction pointing at me tell me which way I’m going?”

That depends. Does it point to Retard Town?

A woman with “self-reliance” is one who is in denial and locked into a life-long scavenger hunt with no clue what her first mystery item even looks like.

1. Competence.

All a woman has to do to solve a problem is open her mouth. That’s where the old saying comes from, “A man in time saves nine.” Like when a woman doesn’t ask her husband if it’s safe to back out of a parking space at 20 miles an hour with platform sandals haphazardly on her feet and whilst on a cell phone — or when she doesn’t ask a man what it means to “make a right when the fucking internet directions say to make a right?”

A man in time saves nine.

Women who are “self-reliant” are really just silent time-bombs of cluster fuck, waltzing around making problems big enough for ten men when one man could have fixed it easily by himself an hour ago. When it comes to a full-fledged fuck up like a rear tire that is now a backseat, or dinner reservations that are now off by an hour, ten men have to fix it.

One man could have fixed either in the first place by not letting a woman drive. That’s a loss of Man Points.

Women are as obsessed with self-reliance as Dumbo was with his magic feather. The only difference between women and Dumbo is that in order to make Dumbo fly, we have to suspend our disbelief. In order to make women independent, we have to put Starbucks on every corner so they can’t possibly get lost, make everything free including loans and credit cards, and reverse numbers so that “children raised by single mothers are eight times more likely to go to prison” actually means “less likely”.

Just look at all those school shootings. According to prison statistics, those would have been less likely to happen if those children had been raised by single men. Women can’t even be reliant properly.