Florence Nightingale Was A Neurotic Pain in the Ass

One of the most revered women in history should be Florence Nightingale. Except for one thing; it’s called history and not shitstory.

Florence was allegedly a large motivating force behind sanitization in hospitals and the entire profession of nursing, both of which have saved hundreds of Man Lives. Man Lives are lives lived by men and are thus spent in the pursuit of manly things like building space ships and curing cancer and being worth a fuck. Manly.

Nightingale isn’t one the most revered woman in history though. Not only because women are allergic and afraid of history — threaten a woman with a treadmill and the History Channel and she’ll do whatever you want to escape, but also because men, who are better and smarter than women, can see right through Nightingale’s hype and bullshit.

Florence Nightingale doesn’t deserve dick. She was a neurotic clean freak like every other fucking woman on the planet. Do they give Orders of Merit for being a neurotic clean freak these days? Well they did in the 1907’s.

Did you know Florence Nightingale never earned a single day’s wage in her life? Well it’s absolutely true. She was a spoilt rich kid who invented backpacking across Europe to “discover herself” not sanitization or any manly thing like that. I can only man-guess that sanitization was born of her nutty and selfish escapades with a mop and vinegar, but that’s like inventing the cure for mild nausea by farting constantly. It works, jackass, but no one appreciates it and you don’t get any Orders of Fart Merits for it.

As I see it, this whole thing is a wash. Women may have possibly contributed in some piece-meal fashion to the practice of sanitization and the profession of nursing — who invented the mops and cleaning solvents? Women? I don’t fucking think so. Chemistry is gross — but women have also destroyed millions of collective good times with their constant nagging about cleanliness.

Get your feet off this or that! Don’t eat pudding in bed! Why is there a half-empty Jack and Soda in the shower? Don’t forget to call the plumber!

You call the fucking plumber.

Also, did you know frantic obsessive cleaning might stunt the developing immune systems of small children? If Florence Nightingale deserves anything, it’s the blame for generation after generation of progressively sicker children.

As a man, I would never blame a woman for that. In fact, I’ll take the blame personally for it. That’s called being a man. Florence Nightingale is a blind squirrel who found a nut-shaped rock in the dark. Time to sit back and wait for the women who discovers the cure for cancer by watching a twelve-hour Sex and the City marathon. That show is a pile of monkey shit.