I cannot tell a lie…because I’m a man.

Women are all liars. At least that’s what every man in the world thinks. Indeed I myself thought this for quite some time.

That’s when I realized I was wrong.

But not wrong in the way a woman is wrong whenever she opens her mouth or engages in any kind internal dialogue; wrong in way that is simply not right and not dangerous. Here’s the real scoop.

Women are as allergic to history as children who are allergic to bees are allergic to bees — this includes even their own history. Let’s turn to The History Channel for just a moment. We know the audience of the History Channel is predominantly male because all the commercials they run are for things like home ownership, stock investment, and local and national political agendas. These are things that women have about as much place in as a steering wheel on a toilet.

To us men, the History Channel is like a sweet, sweet nectar — a repository of precious facts and details about our world that we as men can leverage into solutions for the future. It makes us feel good about ourselves and it makes us feel positive about the future. Let’s take the gas crisis for instance.

Gas is running out, and prices are running up. That’s a serious problem, but as men let’s take just a moment and solve it. First, I will draw a parallel from The History Channel. I can easily remember one of many documentaries on what did General Dwight D. Eisenhower did when he faced many problems of equal or even greater severity during World War II. What he did was stop talking about it like a woman (when it was appropriate) and he took care of it. Problem solved thanks to the History Channel.

See, women are interested only in causing problems, not solving them. They do this to keep us men occupied while they play house and tea party and other such fantasy games of bullshit that involves spending your money on matching this to that and secretly fantasizing about the UPS delivery man. It’s the same all over the world.

To even a fully grown-up woman, this fantasy life of silliness and pretend is very much a reality. That’s why all women are not liars. Because they delude themselves into remembering the past as they wish and not as it actually happened.

Technically that’s not a lie.