Women are the worst sports in history. Fuck. If you want to go from ‘having a great day’ to ’embarrassed for humanity’ in a fraction of a second, just pull a practical joke on a woman and get ready for a Fujiwara Force Fucking Five hissy fit. Hide the silverware before you do unless you want your face pierced.

So why can’t women take jokes as well as your money? Is it because their souls are black and cheap and make them attribute all practical jokes to spite and malice as they would have intended them on others? Is it because women have no self-esteem and assume anyone who’s laughing is laughing at them along with twenty other people who are going to hear the story later?

Nope.

It’s because women have a stick up their ass. [Read more]

Here’s a myth that has beguiled even the most brilliant of business men over the last decade:

You have to be successful to stay in business.

Not at first obviously. Businesses can’t be like men and just start kicking ass right out of the gate like champion thoroughbred horses. Businesses are more like women — that’s why men and business go together so perfectly and why a woman can’t ever properly satisfy a business in bed. They just don’t have the right equipment: brains. [Read more]

Anorexia Nervosa has been a big problem for women for decades. It should be about ten times bigger than it is though. What good is a woman who isn’t at least trying to be skinny as fuck?

Granted all men’s tastes are different and of equal value, but it’s obvious to me as a man the natural inclination for women is squewed toward big fat fuck — and that I have a problem with. So what do women do? Stop eating?

No. Women can’t even do that right. [Read more]

Women involved in any level of government other than putting the spun gold that comes out of men’s mouths onto paper or making the fucking coffee is a blueprint to disaster. Not a disaster like being two hours late to a party because you took the wrong freeway and then hit a watermelon truck because your wife can’t read directions either. This is a disaster like burning sulfur raining from the sky or lava shooting all the fuck over the place. That’s a biblical manner of shit.

Women with any kind of power means civilization is about to be proper fucked. That’s the battle we fight as men, constantly pulling the human race back from the edge of nothing with one hand tied behind our backs because we’re goddamn men and that’s how we do everything: easily. [Read more]

Women are the fucking cheapest things on Earth and not a one of them has ever given a dime to any charity ever.

Don’t believe me? Well you should because I haven’t been wrong on one of these things yet and I never will be. That’s what happens when you pick a platform like men are better than women at everything. You can never be wrong because wherever you step there’s a solid foundation of logic and science to walk on. It’s like waltzing around town in golf cleats.

I just stepped in shit? No problem. See, I’m wearing these golf cleats. I don’t even know it happened. [Read more]

There are a handful of questions you can ask any woman to get her to start talking about “deep personal things”. And by the end of her monologue she’ll be in love with you. Women are like outboard motors of sex. No matter how long they’ve been sitting, you just have to give them a few good yanks in the form of “deep personal questions” and they’ll be purring like an arthritic cat in no time.

Or are women more like used cars?

Has it ever been in a wreck? Do you offer a warranty? Are these all original parts?

With women, magic question number three is, “who was your favorite or most inspirational grade school teacher?” [Read more]

The greatest man day of them all is upon us. And that would be St. Patrick’s Day.

For those of you who don’t know what Saint Patrick’s Day is, fuck off my site because you’re obviously a woman and don’t belong here anyway. [Read more]

When it comes to Guerrilla marketing, women are donkeys. Marketing in general is about selling something that doesn’t sell itself — namely anything that isn’t boobs. Since men invented it, it’s perfectly natural and to be expected that we’re millions of times better than women at it. That’s just common sense.

Wasn’t there a Tyra Banks show where that dim-witted bean pole dressed up in a fat suit and everyone was a dick to her? I don’t know because I don’t watch that female-type show and I certainly don’t want to hear if I’m right about it. I know I’m right. I’m a man and it’s part of my manhood to predict women and their endless parade of groundhog bullshit. Look here comes another float or a truck covered in posies! What a fucking surprise! [Read more]