Dick Masterson’s 2008 Man Challenge
At the beginning of a new year, most people waste their time reflecting on the year past, compiling useless lists like “the top ten greatest catch phrases of 2007″, and “which young starlet had the most disappointing amateur porn of herself “unwantedly” posted to the internet in 2007″.
The greatest catch phrase of 2007 was “hit the treadmill” by myself, Dick Masterson, and I have never been more disappointed to see a pair of tits than I was with Vanessa Hudgens. Is she even legal? Reflection over. Now, it’s time for some manflection.
Men look forward, we don’t look back. We look upward, never downward. And if there’s a little girl running around, we look at our flies to make sure they’re closed. There’s no sense in traumatizing little girls with the unfathomable. In that spirit, I present the first annual 2008 Dick Masterson Man Challenge.
The Dick Masterson Man Challenge is a list of manly challenges you can and should undertake in the new year — if not for the personal growth, then for the Man Points. The 2008 Man Challenge is similar to a scavenger hunt with one exception: women are not allowed to play.
What the Man Challenge is not is a “new year’s resolution”.
Resolutions are stupid and prone to failure. You never see the word “resolution” mentioned in an advertisement targeting men for that reason. Men don’t buy failure. We don’t buy it in others, we don’t buy it in ourselves, and we don’t need a bunch of emotional buttering-up and preparation before making positive life changes. Women need a week of counseling before they even think of leaving an abusive husband. That’s pathetic.
The word “resolution” shows up as often as the word “empowered” in ads for women; ads like weight loss surgery centers and gym commercials. There are no gym commercials for men. Gyms don’t want male customers. Gyms make money by selling memberships to people who don’t have the drive or dedication to actually go to the gym. These types of people are called “women” and fail at weight loss just like they fail at everything in life. Women suck at new year’s resolutions.
Gyms make money when they don’t have to fix worn down facilities or machines broken by men who were lifting more weight than some idiot woman in a pink jumpsuit could even imagine. That’s why Curves, the gym for women, made so much money last year. Owning Curves is like running a chain of bars that only sell to millionaire alcoholics.
But back to my 2008 Man Challenge.
Dick Masterson’s 2008 Man Challenge
1. Don’t get a girlfriend: +3 Man Points per day
Girlfriends are Dumbo’s magic feather for your sex life. They’re supposed to make it easier for you to get laid; they’re supposed to contribute to your quality of life somehow via laundry or meal cooking; and someone once told me something hilarious about women providing companionship. I can’t even imagine how that’s possible. Women are not funny, they have no amusing stories, and they’re so insecure they need to be coddled even in their sleep. That’s not companionship. That’s called raising a foster kid.
My point is, Dumbo didn’t need the magic feather to fly and you don’t need a girlfriend to get laid. Calling the woman you want to bone a girlfriend doesn’t magically give her a vagina like Clarence and his wings in some sick version of the classic Christmas tale, “It’s a Wonderful Life”.
For every day of 2008 you go without getting a girlfriend, you get 3 Man Points. Leonardo da Vinci never had a girlfriend. Why should you?
2. Go to a hooker: +2,000 Man Points
Speaking of women putting out for less, I man-challenge you to go to a hooker in 2008. If the idea makes you uncomfortable for no good reason, call Oprah or your mom and talk about your feelings. Then, find an ATM and remember that VD is not as rampant as everyone says it is.
Strippers, hookers, and hot Asian masseuses are all still women. Don’t ever let a woman convince you otherwise. Prostitutes count for getting laid just as much as their bitchier, more expensive counterparts. Hookers have stupid thoughts, stupid notions about everything in the world, and fuck simple things up constantly. If those aren’t the three defining characteristics of a woman, then the women I’ve been dealing with and have heard about must actually be donkeys wearing woman suits around like Buffalo Bill.
Unlike regular women, a prostitute will not go out of her way to embarrass you in front of your friends. This service exists and it’s something you can pay for.
In a manlier time, prostitution was a respectable trade. Not respectable in the way of a politician or a doping super athlete, but respectable in the only way a woman can be respected: while she’s doing what a man told her to.
3. Get ejected from somewhere: +1,000 Man Points
The only thing a woman cares about is how she looks to everyone else. In a woman’s mind, it’s more important to be seen as an honest, loyal, and decent person than to actually be one. Find me one lady doctor who doesn’t wear makeup to work and I won’t change my mind because she’s probably still wearing earrings. Women are more interested in looking like doctors (or lawyers, or marines), than actually being them. She’s a woman first and a doctor second. Forget that and it will cost you a spleen.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a bar, a restaurant, or a church; if someone asks you to leave, you’re still you no matter how stupid you look. Fuck what everyone thinks. That’s a man challenge.
4. Drink a bottle of scotch: +50 Man Points
The state of manly drinking in the world today is deplorable. A few months ago, I saw something called a Strawberry Dream on a drink menu in a classy sushi restaurant. Someone ordered it and when it arrived I tipped it over on “accident”.
5. End or prevent a marriage: +10,000 Man Points
Marriage is fucked and stupid. Anything you can do to prevent it is manly.
Women ruin everything by trying to make it last forever. They save and scavenge for every bit of nostalgia like rats. They stifle the growth of their children until the kids would experience more of life by just staying in the womb. And you sure as shit don’t see men frantically taking pictures of one another having a good time while they’re out partying. That’s womanly and obnoxious — especially in a dark bar.
No matter how desperately women want to relive the past, a 50 dollar camera, a 6 dollar developing fee, and not getting too drunk because they don’t want to “feel icky” the next day is not going to do it.
It doesn’t matter whose marriage it is — it could be yours — if you fucked it up, you passed the 2008 Man Challenge.
The Greatest Catch Phrase of 2007.
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FOR ALL YOU YOUNG KIDS YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO FUCK NOW BUT YOU WILL WHEN YOU YOUR PARENTS LET YOU.
NEVER WATCH YOUR PARENTS IT IS ONLY GOO WHEN YOU FUCK
YOU WANT TO KNOW THE DICK SAID TO THE BUNNS THE BUNNS SAID STOP!!!!IT TICKLES!!!!!
HEY YOU WANT TO HEAR A SONG:
HEY DICKY YOUR SO FINE YOU BLOW MY MINE HEY DICKY
feels pretty good got got to suck it real good well i got to leave so i can suck my boyfriends dick and i am never letting it go until he puts it puts it up my virgina SSSSSUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKK IIIIIITTTTT RRRRRREEEEEEAAAAAAALLLLLL GGGGGGOOOOODDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well i guess i got to suck his dick and he has to put it my virgina WHO EVER HAS NOT HAD SEX YET OR SUCKED A DICK OR IF YOUR A BOY PUT IT UP A VIRGINA YOUR A FUCKING ASSHOLE AND A GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKING BITCH
Really, the only one who genuinely feels the way Dick does, is Dick himself + maybe a few insecure, pathetic followers that he has somehow accumulated over the years. I’m really not that sure why Dick feels this way, or why anyone would empathize with his absolutely asinine remarks, but it sounds like he needs to go to therapy, like for real. Either this website (which endorses his book) is a really excellent way to make a shit ton of money, or the dude is seriously out of his mind.
Let me translate what this broad just said:
–==Really, the only one who genuinely feels the way Dick does, is Dick himself + maybe a few insecure, pathetic followers that he has somehow accumulated over the years.==–
Translation: Those that believe the conduct of women is utter shite, are those who have observation skills.
–== I’m really not that sure why Dick feels this way, or why anyone would empathize with his absolutely asinine remarks,==–
Translation: I know exactly why dick feels the way he does and makes these intelligent statements, after all I am one of the shitty women he is talking about.
–== but it sounds like he needs to go to therapy, like for real.==–
Translation: But he definitely needs to keep encouraging men and keep them out of the wacky therapy field, that is run by shitty women, you know, like me.
–== Either this website (which endorses his book) is a really excellent way to make a shit ton of money, or the dude is seriously out of his mind.==–
Translation: Dick will you fuck me?
I think it’s so cute when you dumb bitches start sentences with:
“EITHER HE….. OR HE…..”
When a dumb cunt EITHER/ORs me, it’s almost better than sex.
I like to EITHER/OR her back.
Kinda like this:
“EITHER YOU like it when I take it from your ass and put it in your mouth….. OR YOU like 2 huge cocks to double-penetrate you without lube”.
Now tell me bitch, which is it.
Don’t ever either/or a guy you never met - who never treated you badly again. And get the fuck off this website.
Menarebetterthanwomen.
TELL YOU THE TRUTH YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO WITH ME AS LONG AS WE LIKE IT I AM GLAD PLEASE DONT FUCK ME NOW ME AND MY BOYFRIEND JUST GOT DONE AND I WANT MORE FROM HIM
Erica,
how about all men feel this way like Dick does about women and you know it.
I kill women for sexual pleasure.
Do I win?
Are they feminists?
“Women are more interested in looking like doctors (or lawyers, or marines), than actually being them. ”
Great point.
I was dating this worthless female one time. And I told her I liked nurses. Obviously since nurses take care of you and bring you things when you’re sick because they realize you need to recover as soon as possible so you can get back to doing manly productive things. Whereas normal women will just notice you aren’t feeling well and start yelling at you and complaing to their friends about it. So rather than becoming the slightest bit helpful this girl went out and bought a slutty nurse outfit. Misguided, but at least she was trying. She did look good in it, but she still sucked in bed and I had to let her go after she tried to make me watch Rock of Love with her.
svw121wo3593xjsr
Wonderful, I read this having just had sex with a hooker. It’s much better than having a–ahem–”girlfriend.”
Leondardo Da Vinci had an 11 year old boyfriend.
Trying to tell us something Dick? Sounds an awful lot like hes a role model of yours. Chyea boyyy
Women expect equality regarding every dimension.. Tell the bitch she just got drafted and watch exactly why they’re substandard.
1g668y eeeerrrffddgggggggccccc
YOUR A FUCKER
FrxNJG re re re
GAV GAV
Dick, i think you have a good point about the hooker. With a gf you get to a point where she won’t do this and won’t do that, and it’s always like she’s doing you a damn favor. Sure you have to pay the hooker but at least it’s a straightforward transaction (unlike the gf who may refuse to spread her legs if you don’t stay in line). Besides,the hooker is a pro who knows how to give a guyat he wants.
You should have set the fucking dog on them!
THAT IS FUNNY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
THAT IS FUNNY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Onwards and upwards, fellow man!
The other Sunday I went for my regular walk with my dog down to the local pub beer garden. All was going to its usual plan when out nowhere three fat tarts descended on me and the dog and decided to fawn over the poor animal and knock my beer over.
Normally dogs aren’t allowed into pubs let alone the outside beer garden, but this is a small country pub with a fairly regular crowd of local drinkers and the barman knows me quite well so usually there’s no real problem, however this day was to take a turn for the worst.
As we all know dogs have fairly sensitive noses and in this case all three said tarts were reeking of cheap perfume, now for the first two or three minutes my hound dog put up with the pathetic cooing and fawning until the odour finally got to him and he curled his lip up at one of them, causing her fat arse to knock my beer over. When I politely explained that the pong of cheap perfume was the likely cause, the formally fawning floosies turned into a nasty lynch mob threatening all sorts legal repercussions accompanied by various insults.
The barman, seeing his options were limited suggested it was best that I leave quietly; mercifully he supplied me with a six pack on the way out. So, out the door I went, I didn’t even get to have one bourbon, one scotch or one beer, I had to settle for a half warm six pack to drink on the way home.
So much hate! Why do mysandrists always feel compelled to verbally insult us?
Oh, it’s Because we’re right, and insults is all they have left.
…and they can’t even do that correctly.
OH NOES. You are surely right. I must give up my ways. You have convinced me that I am wrong.
Seriously. What are you harpies trying to accomplish by bothering us? Get back in the kitchen.
No one is going to cook for you, man. That is unless she’s as insecure as you are. See the problem is, this whole theory is a self fulfilling prophecy. You feel as though women only have the ability to serve men within a physical capacity, right? Well, those are the women you seek, and those are the women you get. You’ll never be capable of finding a woman who can create something more than that, because you are too inadequate to some extend. And on a lighter note, you are probably really fucking ugly.
you are missing the point. the real point is that besides a physical capacity women are not necessary for men. or anyone else for that matter. besides sex, and the consequences: namely children, there is no use for women. But in a world such as ours where the population is too high for our environment to support (see carrying capacity) women have become useless, besides in a few years we (men) should be able to create better babies in a lab. that only leaves sex as the purpose and usefulness.
see the best chefs are men, so men can cook for ourselves, and do laundry, and chores, especially ones that require a bit of muscle and do not require an emotional breakdown. marriage is a way that women can trap in finical security, while they grow fat and unattractive and do not hit the treadmill.
but hold on a sec, do not get me wrong, i do not subscribe to a hate of women as a whole. i do not think that every woman out there is horrible and terrible. no, i am not pissed off at woman for being shunned i just hold a higher stander of action, rather than letting childish behavior slide. yes, there are some amazing women out there, that when given the right training can be wonderful companions, but the other 99% are childish, emotionally unstable, money grubbing, whores, who love shinny objects, and cant event tell you what they really want in life.
why can’t you let people have opinions. he’s not yelling in the streets, on t.v, in our schools, or in your face. you’ll never meet this guy, and if you do you can leave.
Dick you are right. All these point gains are really what it takes to be a man. You have a deep insight on the points - u just post them in a more funny way -
One greek philoshopher (Aristotle) said once
“Παση γυνί εστί πόρνη πλην της μητρός μας και ταύτης δια σεβασμό”
All women are whores besides our mother, and that, just out of respect
And another one
From ancient greek philosopher “Πράξανδρος”
“Εν της λυχνός σβηστής πάσι γυνί εστί ομοία”
With the lights out every woman is the same
I don’t hate women, I just believe that more or less all women are whores who demand attention, and their motive drive for existence is jealousy to each other or living out of a man. As for brains…. 0
Proof
How many times a woman won a chess competition? Answer 0
How many times u seen a woman army general? Answer 0
Women also complain for men cheating when at the same time they dress like whores…and what do they get..well ..fucked..both of them - because all women die to get any attention from any moving dick..and they don’t crave dick….they crave any attention from any dick. -as men we simply fuck them because thats what they crave - blaming us is not only pointless but selfish…and above all stupid
Kyriakos, that “0″ list of what women have done (or more appropriately, will never do) could be expaned to no end.
Liza should be shot and left in a cow field. She’d prove more useful to society as plant fertilizer.