Dick Masterson’s 2008 Man Challenge
At the beginning of a new year, most people waste their time reflecting on the year past, compiling useless lists like “the top ten greatest catch phrases of 2007″, and “which young starlet had the most disappointing amateur porn of herself “unwantedly” posted to the internet in 2007″.
The greatest catch phrase of 2007 was “hit the treadmill” by myself, Dick Masterson, and I have never been more disappointed to see a pair of tits than I was with Vanessa Hudgens. Is she even legal? Reflection over. Now, it’s time for some manflection.
Men look forward, we don’t look back. We look upward, never downward. And if there’s a little girl running around, we look at our flies to make sure they’re closed. There’s no sense in traumatizing little girls with the unfathomable. In that spirit, I present the first annual 2008 Dick Masterson Man Challenge.
The Dick Masterson Man Challenge is a list of manly challenges you can and should undertake in the new year — if not for the personal growth, then for the Man Points. The 2008 Man Challenge is similar to a scavenger hunt with one exception: women are not allowed to play.
What the Man Challenge is not is a “new year’s resolution”.
Resolutions are stupid and prone to failure. You never see the word “resolution” mentioned in an advertisement targeting men for that reason. Men don’t buy failure. We don’t buy it in others, we don’t buy it in ourselves, and we don’t need a bunch of emotional buttering-up and preparation before making positive life changes. Women need a week of counseling before they even think of leaving an abusive husband. That’s pathetic.
The word “resolution” shows up as often as the word “empowered” in ads for women; ads like weight loss surgery centers and gym commercials. There are no gym commercials for men. Gyms don’t want male customers. Gyms make money by selling memberships to people who don’t have the drive or dedication to actually go to the gym. These types of people are called “women” and fail at weight loss just like they fail at everything in life. Women suck at new year’s resolutions.
Gyms make money when they don’t have to fix worn down facilities or machines broken by men who were lifting more weight than some idiot woman in a pink jumpsuit could even imagine. That’s why Curves, the gym for women, made so much money last year. Owning Curves is like running a chain of bars that only sell to millionaire alcoholics.
But back to my 2008 Man Challenge.
Dick Masterson’s 2008 Man Challenge
1. Don’t get a girlfriend: +3 Man Points per day
Girlfriends are Dumbo’s magic feather for your sex life. They’re supposed to make it easier for you to get laid; they’re supposed to contribute to your quality of life somehow via laundry or meal cooking; and someone once told me something hilarious about women providing companionship. I can’t even imagine how that’s possible. Women are not funny, they have no amusing stories, and they’re so insecure they need to be coddled even in their sleep. That’s not companionship. That’s called raising a foster kid.
My point is, Dumbo didn’t need the magic feather to fly and you don’t need a girlfriend to get laid. Calling the woman you want to bone a girlfriend doesn’t magically give her a vagina like Clarence and his wings in some sick version of the classic Christmas tale, “It’s a Wonderful Life”.
For every day of 2008 you go without getting a girlfriend, you get 3 Man Points. Leonardo da Vinci never had a girlfriend. Why should you?
2. Go to a hooker: +2,000 Man Points
Speaking of women putting out for less, I man-challenge you to go to a hooker in 2008. If the idea makes you uncomfortable for no good reason, call Oprah or your mom and talk about your feelings. Then, find an ATM and remember that VD is not as rampant as everyone says it is.
Strippers, hookers, and hot Asian masseuses are all still women. Don’t ever let a woman convince you otherwise. Prostitutes count for getting laid just as much as their bitchier, more expensive counterparts. Hookers have stupid thoughts, stupid notions about everything in the world, and fuck simple things up constantly. If those aren’t the three defining characteristics of a woman, then the women I’ve been dealing with and have heard about must actually be donkeys wearing woman suits around like Buffalo Bill.
Unlike regular women, a prostitute will not go out of her way to embarrass you in front of your friends. This service exists and it’s something you can pay for.
In a manlier time, prostitution was a respectable trade. Not respectable in the way of a politician or a doping super athlete, but respectable in the only way a woman can be respected: while she’s doing what a man told her to.
3. Get ejected from somewhere: +1,000 Man Points
The only thing a woman cares about is how she looks to everyone else. In a woman’s mind, it’s more important to be seen as an honest, loyal, and decent person than to actually be one. Find me one lady doctor who doesn’t wear makeup to work and I won’t change my mind because she’s probably still wearing earrings. Women are more interested in looking like doctors (or lawyers, or marines), than actually being them. She’s a woman first and a doctor second. Forget that and it will cost you a spleen.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a bar, a restaurant, or a church; if someone asks you to leave, you’re still you no matter how stupid you look. Fuck what everyone thinks. That’s a man challenge.
4. Drink a bottle of scotch: +50 Man Points
The state of manly drinking in the world today is deplorable. A few months ago, I saw something called a Strawberry Dream on a drink menu in a classy sushi restaurant. Someone ordered it and when it arrived I tipped it over on “accident”.
5. End or prevent a marriage: +10,000 Man Points
Marriage is fucked and stupid. Anything you can do to prevent it is manly.
Women ruin everything by trying to make it last forever. They save and scavenge for every bit of nostalgia like rats. They stifle the growth of their children until the kids would experience more of life by just staying in the womb. And you sure as shit don’t see men frantically taking pictures of one another having a good time while they’re out partying. That’s womanly and obnoxious — especially in a dark bar.
No matter how desperately women want to relive the past, a 50 dollar camera, a 6 dollar developing fee, and not getting too drunk because they don’t want to “feel icky” the next day is not going to do it.
It doesn’t matter whose marriage it is — it could be yours — if you fucked it up, you passed the 2008 Man Challenge.
The Greatest Catch Phrase of 2007.
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January 12th, 2008 at 3:55 pm - IP Man-Hash: 55548152be297
True. Well I guess it’ll just have to be for recreational purposes then as opposed to receiving any Man points for it.
January 12th, 2008 at 4:09 pm - IP Man-Hash: 720a12647a390
Perfectly acceptable and manly recreation. Man points are still earned by avoiding the “Instant family: Just add money!” trap.
January 12th, 2008 at 8:42 pm - IP Man-Hash: 55548152be297
Well said. Single Mothers, in my experience, are parasites of the Social Security and welfare system. All the while collecting large sums of child support, keeping the body they once had and adding plenty more to it. It’s interesting. Some person argued that women are nuturers, however, every M.I.L.F. that I have had sex with insists on having sex in her house risking the child wondering who his/her father is and giving the child a head start on whoredom.
I have never seen a Man do this and most likely he will not let his child around ANY woman until he for some reason decides to commit to a more serious relationship.
- Sgt. Reyes
January 20th, 2008 at 3:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3b5e7b8bea94f
Dick Masterson, your plan is bound to failure this time. You have no idea how shitty prostitutes in my area are. Not to mention that most have AIDS. If you want a good prostitute , then you hire an escort for U.S$350.00 to $600.00. If you want the kind of women that are magazine cover material and no older than 22, the kind of woman all guys jerk off to, expect to pay U.S$2000.00 for an hour or 2 and up to 10 K for one full night. As you can see, quality pussy is not for the average man. Hiring prostitues is only for rich men, because the cheap whores are too ugly and even worse the risk of contracting STDs even when using a rubber is enormous.
P Coderch
January 20th, 2008 at 5:34 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
It’s absolutely comical how stupid this bitch’s alter-ego PC is. Don’t worry, cunt, we all know that you’re not a stupid, pasty little girly-girl, with your absolute lack of life knowledge and blatant stupidity about the mechanics of UNSKILLED LABOR!
What a stupid fucking cunt. Someone should rape you in both your eye sockets just for keeping this ugly trannie shit up for so long.
Thus far, I’m still throwing the real women into the shit chute and going after the stupid, slutty, hollow shells of girls. That’s what I want, bitch - there’s really nothing you can do about it, regardless of how much you want to ‘help’ me!
http://singleabroad.com
Normal women do not impersonate men nor do they embark on righteous crusades against the first amendment.
January 21st, 2008 at 6:02 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3b5e7b8bea94f
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA…WAS THAT DIRECTED AT ME? WHAT A FUCKING RETARD!
P Coderch
January 21st, 2008 at 9:02 pm - IP Man-Hash: 43a15a7732fec
@ Doubt- Disturbing as it is, P Coderch has been determined by most on this site to be a man, albeit a very unstable one.
January 21st, 2008 at 9:06 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
So I’m stupid for seeing the fact that actual men, not the transexual male-impersonators, do not tend to describe their incest fantasies when attempting to establish their sanity. That is whore logic - but don’t worry.
I have a fool-proof way to tell if something with wide hips, fat-ass titties, whore paint on her cheeks, platform sandals, and pink toenails actually is a man. I just stick my cock in its crotch. A few hours later after I determine that you are correct, and you are not a pasty bitch but rather a man with an extremely concave penis, you’ll have proven your point and I’ll be on my way.
Until then, to the best of my knowledge you’ve got a worse cock-addiction than Michelle or Abby.
By the way, PC, I’d still push you off a boat and keep all of the polygamous shells of girls. You aren’t doing a good job of trying to dissuade me with your transsexuality - I don’t find that cute, no.
January 22nd, 2008 at 2:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3b5e7b8bea94f
HA HA HA HA HA AH…I CAN UNDERSTAND YOUR ANGER, SINCE LIKE YOUR MASTER, WOLFE, YOU ARE CHIVALROUS AND WANT TO PROTECT GIRLS. I MEAN, YOU’RE ONE OF THOSE ASSHOLES WHO DEFEND WOMEN AT THE EXPENSE OF YOUR OWN GENDER, AND YOU STILL HAVE THE NERVE TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ME. THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT TEENAGE GIRLS. THEY ARE WHORES; THEY EXIST TO PROVIDE ME WITH SEXUAL PLEASURE AND THAT’S THAT. I WOULD FEEL NO REMORSE AFTER RAPING A 13 YEAR-OLD GIRL. NONE. THAT’S THE ONLY THING WOMEN ARE GOOD FOR, ANYWAY. BY THE WAY, FAG, I COULD HAVE SEX WITH YOUR DAUGHTER, SISTER AND ALL THE LITTLE GIRLS IN YOUR FAMLY AN DYOU WOULDN’T DO SHIT ABOUT IT. THERE IS NOTHING I ENJOY MORE THAN HUMILIATING TRADITIONALLY CHIVALROUS FAGGOTS LIKE YOU BY ABUSING THE WOMEN UNDER THEIR PROTECTION. CHIVALROUS PIECES OF SHIT ARE THE ONLY ONES I HATE MORE THAN WOMEN. WORTHLESS TRAITORS WHO PUT THE WELL-BEING OF WOMEN ABOVE THAT OF THEIR OWN GENDER.
P Coderch
January 22nd, 2008 at 2:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3b5e7b8bea94f
AND BY THE WAY, FAGGOT, THE FACT THAT YOU WANT TO RAPE A MAN GOES TO SHOW THAT WHO THE REAL FAGGOT IS. IF YOU WANT TO TRY DOING WHAT YOU DESCRIBED IN YOUR POST TO ME, WE CAN MEET SOMWHERE AND I”LL GIVE YOUT HE CHANCE OF TRYING. LET’S SEE, FAGGOT. LET’S SEE WAHT THE FUCK YOU CAN DO. PUT UP OR SHUT UP. I WILL PISS AND SHIT ON YOU AFTER I’M DONE BREAKING ALL YOUR BONES JUST FOR YOUR AUDACITY FOR SAYING WHAT YOU DID. I WILL STICK A BASEBALL BAT UP YOUR FUDGE HOLE AS RETRIBUTION FOR WHAT YOU SAID ON YOUR POST.
P Coderch
January 22nd, 2008 at 2:53 pm - IP Man-Hash: 720a12647a390
I’ll call you out filthwad. Let’s have your name and address. Unless you’re not really man. More like an incestual psychotic arse monkey paedophile that needs his fucking teeth stomped into the curb. You think typing all in capitals is intimidating? Save that for your jerking off sessions in World of Warcraft. Thats about the only place you can be superior to anyone. Nothing worse than a depraved and deprived pissant who talks tough online because he gets his fucking arse beaten in by everyone at school. Does it make you actually believe you’re a strong man to talk shit in a forum? Do you really think we believe you’re anything but the smallest dicked cock-swab that ever got his head flushed down a greasy toilet? You are obviously the reason why hillbillies shouldn’t breed with their own offspring.
January 22nd, 2008 at 3:19 pm - IP Man-Hash: cde4d6da17a7a
whoa…
things sure do get crazy here in mantown.
January 22nd, 2008 at 3:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 720a12647a390
Coderch wouldn’t know a thing about mantown. He’s from boytown, and the one everybody throws their shoes at just before curfew. His hatred likely stems from having been beaten down by a group of girls armed with pencil cases five years his junior. This why he always talks like a big man, lives in WoW, and has a rape fixation. Everything intimidates him until he puts on his level 49 orc costume. Women terrify him.
January 22nd, 2008 at 5:04 pm - IP Man-Hash: c3f4479460146
Yeah, but being men, we can take care of our business and still be good about things. P Coderch is getting dressed down because he needs it. If he is in fact a male then this is hopefully helping him to be a better person.
If he is a female, he deserves every nasty word.
But as honorable men, we don’t put up with anything that isn’t in the best interest of justice and long term societal improvement.
That includes hitting women. I don’t think any guy here would truly hit a woman even if provoked. Not that we couldn’t clean their clocks but exactly because we could. It would be like fighting a child.
January 22nd, 2008 at 5:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5eaebab320f0a
It wouldn’t make much sense if women were only good for one thing, which you guys think is childbirth, because no animal on earth is good for just reproducing. THINK ABOUT IT. Do you honestly think that women are just an exception? I don’t no why you hate women so much. I know you will say “We don’t hate women” but actions speak louder than words, and making women seem like whores who can’t do anything right is what people are listening to, not your little “We don’t hate women… REALLY!!” speech.
January 22nd, 2008 at 5:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: c3f4479460146
Have you lost it proudatheist?
I mean really, its not generally accepted that women are only good at childbirth, we even have a term for women that use that as a bargaining chip, the childbirth card.
If you really read what we are saying then you wouldn’t jump to conclusions so easily. Women can be good at things, its just that men are better.
January 22nd, 2008 at 5:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: 720a12647a390
We don’t hate women, well, aside from freaks like P Coderch. As for making women seem like whores whom cannot do anything right, well. That seems to be achieved by the majority of women whom do it every day without any input of ours whatsoever. Pointing at a thief and saying “that there is a thief” does not in any way make the person pointing responsible for that other person being a thief.
January 22nd, 2008 at 5:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5eaebab320f0a
Ok, I will agree that there are men on here with ranging degrees of sexism, but I know for a fact that not all women are like what you are describing. Yes, alot of women are, like the popular girls at my school, but alot are not. Also, I have a question about something on this site. Why is it that when ever WOMEN have alot of sex, they are labeled whores, but when men have alot of sex, it doesnt really make a difference? Do you think THAT seems fair to women?
January 22nd, 2008 at 6:04 pm - IP Man-Hash: 720a12647a390
Thats not something I’ll speak about with you sorry. You’ve already revealed your age. I suggest you take that matter up with a woman or a parent such as your father.
January 22nd, 2008 at 8:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: eeb32e3dc6874
Their is a big difference between having alot of sex and getting around. Women tend to sleep around with to many men. If men label promiscuous women as whores, then maybe women should label men to instead of crying about it. We don’t like whores.