Dick Masterson’s 2008 Man Challenge
At the beginning of a new year, most people waste their time reflecting on the year past, compiling useless lists like “the top ten greatest catch phrases of 2007″, and “which young starlet had the most disappointing amateur porn of herself “unwantedly” posted to the internet in 2007″.
The greatest catch phrase of 2007 was “hit the treadmill” by myself, Dick Masterson, and I have never been more disappointed to see a pair of tits than I was with Vanessa Hudgens. Is she even legal? Reflection over. Now, it’s time for some manflection.
Men look forward, we don’t look back. We look upward, never downward. And if there’s a little girl running around, we look at our flies to make sure they’re closed. There’s no sense in traumatizing little girls with the unfathomable. In that spirit, I present the first annual 2008 Dick Masterson Man Challenge.
The Dick Masterson Man Challenge is a list of manly challenges you can and should undertake in the new year — if not for the personal growth, then for the Man Points. The 2008 Man Challenge is similar to a scavenger hunt with one exception: women are not allowed to play.
What the Man Challenge is not is a “new year’s resolution”.
Resolutions are stupid and prone to failure. You never see the word “resolution” mentioned in an advertisement targeting men for that reason. Men don’t buy failure. We don’t buy it in others, we don’t buy it in ourselves, and we don’t need a bunch of emotional buttering-up and preparation before making positive life changes. Women need a week of counseling before they even think of leaving an abusive husband. That’s pathetic.
The word “resolution” shows up as often as the word “empowered” in ads for women; ads like weight loss surgery centers and gym commercials. There are no gym commercials for men. Gyms don’t want male customers. Gyms make money by selling memberships to people who don’t have the drive or dedication to actually go to the gym. These types of people are called “women” and fail at weight loss just like they fail at everything in life. Women suck at new year’s resolutions.
Gyms make money when they don’t have to fix worn down facilities or machines broken by men who were lifting more weight than some idiot woman in a pink jumpsuit could even imagine. That’s why Curves, the gym for women, made so much money last year. Owning Curves is like running a chain of bars that only sell to millionaire alcoholics.
But back to my 2008 Man Challenge.
Dick Masterson’s 2008 Man Challenge
1. Don’t get a girlfriend: +3 Man Points per day
Girlfriends are Dumbo’s magic feather for your sex life. They’re supposed to make it easier for you to get laid; they’re supposed to contribute to your quality of life somehow via laundry or meal cooking; and someone once told me something hilarious about women providing companionship. I can’t even imagine how that’s possible. Women are not funny, they have no amusing stories, and they’re so insecure they need to be coddled even in their sleep. That’s not companionship. That’s called raising a foster kid.
My point is, Dumbo didn’t need the magic feather to fly and you don’t need a girlfriend to get laid. Calling the woman you want to bone a girlfriend doesn’t magically give her a vagina like Clarence and his wings in some sick version of the classic Christmas tale, “It’s a Wonderful Life”.
For every day of 2008 you go without getting a girlfriend, you get 3 Man Points. Leonardo da Vinci never had a girlfriend. Why should you?
2. Go to a hooker: +2,000 Man Points
Speaking of women putting out for less, I man-challenge you to go to a hooker in 2008. If the idea makes you uncomfortable for no good reason, call Oprah or your mom and talk about your feelings. Then, find an ATM and remember that VD is not as rampant as everyone says it is.
Strippers, hookers, and hot Asian masseuses are all still women. Don’t ever let a woman convince you otherwise. Prostitutes count for getting laid just as much as their bitchier, more expensive counterparts. Hookers have stupid thoughts, stupid notions about everything in the world, and fuck simple things up constantly. If those aren’t the three defining characteristics of a woman, then the women I’ve been dealing with and have heard about must actually be donkeys wearing woman suits around like Buffalo Bill.
Unlike regular women, a prostitute will not go out of her way to embarrass you in front of your friends. This service exists and it’s something you can pay for.
In a manlier time, prostitution was a respectable trade. Not respectable in the way of a politician or a doping super athlete, but respectable in the only way a woman can be respected: while she’s doing what a man told her to.
3. Get ejected from somewhere: +1,000 Man Points
The only thing a woman cares about is how she looks to everyone else. In a woman’s mind, it’s more important to be seen as an honest, loyal, and decent person than to actually be one. Find me one lady doctor who doesn’t wear makeup to work and I won’t change my mind because she’s probably still wearing earrings. Women are more interested in looking like doctors (or lawyers, or marines), than actually being them. She’s a woman first and a doctor second. Forget that and it will cost you a spleen.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a bar, a restaurant, or a church; if someone asks you to leave, you’re still you no matter how stupid you look. Fuck what everyone thinks. That’s a man challenge.
4. Drink a bottle of scotch: +50 Man Points
The state of manly drinking in the world today is deplorable. A few months ago, I saw something called a Strawberry Dream on a drink menu in a classy sushi restaurant. Someone ordered it and when it arrived I tipped it over on “accident”.
5. End or prevent a marriage: +10,000 Man Points
Marriage is fucked and stupid. Anything you can do to prevent it is manly.
Women ruin everything by trying to make it last forever. They save and scavenge for every bit of nostalgia like rats. They stifle the growth of their children until the kids would experience more of life by just staying in the womb. And you sure as shit don’t see men frantically taking pictures of one another having a good time while they’re out partying. That’s womanly and obnoxious — especially in a dark bar.
No matter how desperately women want to relive the past, a 50 dollar camera, a 6 dollar developing fee, and not getting too drunk because they don’t want to “feel icky” the next day is not going to do it.
It doesn’t matter whose marriage it is — it could be yours — if you fucked it up, you passed the 2008 Man Challenge.
The Greatest Catch Phrase of 2007.
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January 6th, 2008 at 4:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: a1076a8d78fb1
Michelle, you seem to have some sort of problem with the part of your brain that makes your jaw stop flapping. Judging from the way you will spew something out that apparently is absent of both thought and passage through the part of your brain that says ‘Fuck no, saying that taller, stronger man has a small dick is a bad idea.’
Hence, I can only conclude that you are middle-class garbage, hopelessly spoiled, self-obsessed, and most importantly - have never quite gotten that well-deserved punch in your mouth.
Hence, you must be a stupid little girly-girl who can not shut the fuck up.
January 6th, 2008 at 4:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: a1076a8d78fb1
We hate you because you can not shut the fuck up after we cleverly deduce that men do not have to state that they are men nor do they return after claiming they’re “off to respect some women.”
That is why we hate girly-girls, they’re annoying and stupid as fuck and they fail to comprehend basic social gentility. No, you don’t stumble cobbling around in heels and force your way into any conversation involving strangers. You do not layer on the awkwardness by insulting one flat-out for something you hallucinated.
Michelle, shut the fuck up. We know you’re a girly-girl, you aren’t funny or cute, just fuck off like the bitch you are. Everybody here wants you to leave - you can externalize the reason as to why people seem not to like you, but you don’t need to tell us. I swear, we could not care less. That’s called thinking before you act or speak. Granted you are incapable of that, the best you can do is to be like a good breakfast - hot and quiet.
January 6th, 2008 at 5:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2ecf53c2a0a2d
I would rather die a free man than live forever like a slave. Eat a dick.
January 6th, 2008 at 5:50 pm - IP Man-Hash: 55548152be297
Obviously you haven’t read the portion of this site that states ‘Men live less than women’ and depict the positive reasons. Men don’t have to live as long as women since we can get more done in our short lives than a women can in ten generations of female lineage.
Seriously, fuck off Dick’s site you Mangina.
January 7th, 2008 at 3:24 am - IP Man-Hash: eeb32e3dc6874
Michelle also forgot one major point. The overwhelming majority of men will at some point be married in their life. In fact most men will unfortunately be married until the day they die. Obviously the pool of single men never married in these studies couldn’t be very large.
Single men dying at earlier ages can easily be explained. It’s called living it up. Who do you think might be more likely to engage in habits that are deemed health risks? A haggard married man or a single guy? Single guys live it up.
I prefer to be single and live. If it cost me a few years of my life then so be it. It beats the alternative. Those extra years weren’t going to be good ones anyway with some sow. So Michelle kindly fuck off.
January 7th, 2008 at 3:45 am - IP Man-Hash: 7eea0384cab9d
Those “slaves” also earn more than their unmarried counterparts. So much for your theory that marriage financially ruins a man. Have fun being poor.
Marriage and wealth
* Marriage makes men more successful. The 10-40% wage premium married men receive compared to the unmarried is “one of the most well-documented phenomena in social science” (Waite & Gallagher, 2000). It is common to almost all developed countries (Schoeni, 1995), averaging 30% in the US, a salary gain equivalent to a university degree! Wage premium begins in the year before marriage, increases during marriage, and erodes with divorce, even controlling for other factors (Daniel, 1995).
* Married people also save more. US married couples in their 50s and 60s had net worth per person roughly double that of divorcees, widows or other unmarried people. Over a 5 year period, married people saved faster, even accounting for education and health. Higher earnings accounted for less than a third of the disparity in wealth (Smith, 1995).
* Marriage takes people out of poverty. Of US families without “A-level” equivalents, 40% of single mothers are poor compared to 12% of married mothers. Of those with “A-level” equivalents, 12% of single mothers were poor compared to 3% of married mothers (McLanahan & Sandefur, 1994).
January 7th, 2008 at 4:13 am - IP Man-Hash: 349c2dc95fedb
You also forget to mention that the wife(whore) is entitled to the lion’s share of the man’s fruits and labour. Divorce rates in my country are at 30% and rising.
January 7th, 2008 at 4:46 am - IP Man-Hash: eeb32e3dc6874
She’s correct, but her stats are still faulty. Obviously she wasn’t listening to me before. The number of men that are married or have been married easily dwarfs the number that haven’t.
Change the scenario the other way around. Let’s say the overwhelming majority of men aren’t married or never will be. I would bet anything the stats would show single men make more and live longer.
“Marriage makes men more successful.” This is when you know your dealing with a woman. Success shouldn’t be defined by how much you make dickhead. All those married guys would trade places with any of us.
January 7th, 2008 at 6:13 am - IP Man-Hash: 2b67c894293cc
It’s more like success makes women want to marry you.
No shit marriage takes women out of poverty, you basically just said that they trade themselves for money. Way to prove our point.
January 7th, 2008 at 7:09 am - IP Man-Hash: 55548152be297
Simple explanation:
* Of course a dual income will net more financial gain.
* Of course single mothers for the most part have less than their married counterpoints. First, they’re women. Have you noticed single mothers are much bigger sluts than their married counterparts or a single woman that has no children? Why is that? They need a Man to pay rent again. Every M.I.L.F. I’ve met is the same story.
* I’d prefer to follow the path of a great Man like Donald Trump. He certainly didn’t need a marriage to establish wealth. He made his billions then bought a wife in his later years.
Nice job bringing statistics into the debate although they seem to be a tad outdated (1994????)
- Sgt. Reyes
January 7th, 2008 at 12:13 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6d2bcc78aa95d
Those stats are outdated really, and they only show averages among the middle class, they say nothing of the elite or the poor.
But, lets say its all true, it would only be because men were taught from day one that building a life and a family is true success. That behind every great man, is a great women. That no man is complete, without a women.
Men no longer believe this bullshit! Now that we aren’t buying into this propaganda, and no longer feel guilty for not having a family, we are living longer and having a hell of alot more fun!
As for money, men are able to keep more of it and spend it on things that we want, not waste it on thier nails, or another pair of shoes.
These so called facts you spew is the kind of stuff they would shove down kids throats in the 50’s.
January 7th, 2008 at 12:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6d2bcc78aa95d
Now back on the MANN topic, I made 1000 pts just last week!
My ticket for the downtown train was gunna expire before reaching my stop, I decided to chance it. Well, when the guy came around to check tickets, he didnt accept mine. He asked me why my ticket was not right, and I told him it expired only a few minutes ago. He told me I had to leave the train.
I said No!
He immediatly got very irrate! He then called his buddies and they surround me and tell the train operator to hold. Of course I didn’t want a fight, but I made all of them escort me of that train, as I stated to him how rediculous it was to kick me off.
He then got really offended and called the cops. So I wait for the cop to show up, and this guy is starting to get excited at the thought of me getting arrested.
After explaining to the cop that my ticket had only expired a few minutes ago, and showing him a fat wallet full of cash, he let me go with a warning to be more carefull….hahah… That security guy was so obviously pissed off! You know the type, nerdy little fuck who got picked on in school.
Well, I walked away with a manly smile apon my face, stopped at the local bar for a quik drink, at 730 am!!
January 7th, 2008 at 3:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: 55548152be297
Wholeheartedly agree. ‘Consider the source’. Just because statistics are there the question remains; have they been manipulated in any way?
Reports of our troops casualties and injuries in Iraq are GREATLY downplayed due to the low moral this war has caused.
January 8th, 2008 at 4:49 pm - IP Man-Hash: 93b7be8b82f62
Direct thought is not an attribute of feminity. In this, women are now centuries behind man.”
Thomas Edison
January 8th, 2008 at 5:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
Hookers all the time. I live in an “Prostitute Friendly” area.
Hot hookers, hookers with class (Escorts), hookers that do weird shit.
+1000 Man-Points if you get busted for Pandering and Solicitation.
Tell me that ain’t just MAN-FUCKING-COOL on your record.
(No, not on mine, me is smart)
+3000 If you are a pimp (I sometimes am, believe it or not, economics and sex go hand in hand like women and whining).
NOT beating a whore: Priceless
(Who the fuck beats the shit out of a paycheck? Stupid. There is always another whore to find, “Recruiting” and “Customer Servic” remember?)
Telling a Cop you are a Pimp, and getting the product to him for free and avoiding such things as Jail, Fines, etc:
FUCKING AWESOME. (Done that)
Telling a Friend/Co-Worker about your stock and getting him a cut-rate discount:
Unsure. (Done it)
Being a Pimp for your BOSS at work:
Unsure. Yes, I have done that too. Do I get man-points?
Being a Pimp AND a John at the same time:
Possible deduction of man-points, but I need help on this one, done it many times.
Fuck it, Happy Pimpin’ New Year!
January 11th, 2008 at 12:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: ca4d2edef53a3
lets see
don’t get a girlfriend…..in progress
go see a whore…..not done
get kicked out of somewhere…..done
drink a bottle of scotch…..can i drink some 80 proof dark rum instead?
prevent a marriage…..done
now what to do with the other 50 weeks
January 11th, 2008 at 12:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: 720a12647a390
50 whores?
January 11th, 2008 at 2:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6d2bcc78aa95d
I would like to take back that remark, before I ‘filled out’, I was a bit small and nerdy and got picked on.
Also, after reading Dicks more recent titles, where he explains how boys who get picked on turn thier energy to something better, like Bill Gates, while women get depressed and take it out on all the men in thier lives, so they can feel better.
Well, Dick is exactly right. Please accept my apologies gentlemen.
MABTW
January 12th, 2008 at 3:23 pm - IP Man-Hash: 55548152be297
50 whores… nice one! How about 50 MILFS? That’s a guaranteed turkey-shoot!
January 12th, 2008 at 3:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: 720a12647a390
Well, simply because Dick’s not giving 2000 man points apiece for the turkey shoot option, hehehe