30 Feet of Stupid
Did you know that a staggering 7% of the top grossing 200 films of 2005 were directed by women? I was shocked as well, but then I remembered that on a slow weekend in summer when it’s hot outside just about everywhere on Earth, even seeing a miserable piece of woman-directed shit is better than sitting around and listening to the house-marm gab about nothing.
Perhaps we’re the lucky men. Perhaps someday women will forget their manners even during film and theatres will sound like hair salons or bird sanctuaries. Then again maybe that kind of shit will actually lower the price of a ticket.
That’s a man for you: always looking on the bright side.
The reason I know 7% of the top grossing films in 2005 were directed by a handful of the luckiest women in history (and that only 3 token women have ever been nominated for an academy awards for directing), is because some group of lady-roosters bought a giant billboard in Hollywood professing the following:
UNCHAIN THE WOMEN DIRECTORS
Women directed only 7% of the top 200 grossing films of 2005.
No women director has ever won the Oscar.
Only 3 have ever been nominated.
Fittingly, the facts are accompanied by a hideous picture of King Kong in drag. At first, I assumed this was some kind of hilarious propaganda aimed at publicizing the uglery of women directors at large. They are quite ugly you understand, and what a perfect way of adding insult to that rather nasty injury.
You’re ugly and you suck you bunch of silly cows!
I couldn’t have been more partially mistaken.
As it turns out, this billboard was paid for by a group of women calling themselves the Guerrilla Girls. Obviously, they use “girls” instead of women because it makes them feel naughty and capricious even though per capita the group probably outweighs the teamsters. Per capita means that each one is fat as fuck.
Like all women, these Gorilla Girls put absolutely no thought into how their “message” might be perceived by anyone else — probably because they were spending someone else’s money at the time. What am I saying! Of course they’re spending someone else’s money. A billboard is not stickers or shoes and that’s the only thing a woman spends her own money on.
What these broads see in this travesty is a blistering although clumsily-worded indictment of Hollywood at large and a thirty foot vindication of every failure in their silly, man-less lives. What they don’t see, however, is the confused look on the faces of all of us filthy male consumers with our filthy hard earned money that we’re going to take with us to the nearest filthy theatre and make another blockbuster.
So what the fuck is their message?
Is the message that men need to pay more attention to women directors? It can’t possibly be a call to women and sisterhood because no woman has ever paid for a movie. Blowing the night manager doesn’t count as paying, it’s a barter system and you can’t tax it.
Maybe the message is a simple: “Women can’t fucking direct!” After looking at the billboard for a few seconds I was struck with the humorous notion of a similar billboard that said in very large letters:
Jimmy Turner in Mrs. Wehrman’s 5th grade class sucks at spelling!
Brought to you by Jimmy’s mom and dad.
And that’s when I stopped thinking about it. Like everything else a woman says, it’s just meant to spin you around in circles while she looks around for some free money or something to pawn.
By the way, why give King Kong lipstick? Isn’t it sexist to assume the gorilla was male in the first place?
Of course it isn’t. It’s common sense. People gave a fuck about King Kong. No one has ever given a fuck about an ugly woman.
A 7/10 on the How Women Waste Money scale.
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When you are incompetent, useless and sore, you blame the victors. Womanly. You got owned, live with it. Grow up, women. Men > Women.
Further proof of how women twist the truth to make them look like victims. They take a fact like: “Women directed only 7% of the top 200 grossing films of 2005″, then twist it to make people think there is some conspiracy in Hollywood against women directors.
For many years there have been females in Hollywood who direct, write and produce, but because thier work wasn’t recognized as great or blockbuster, they have to blame somebody.
When will females grow up?
Sarah is obviously a man. No woman would write such garbage.
Women should not direct. They should not make movies. All of the movies written/directed by women suck.
Case in point, “An American Haunting”. It took a wonderful ghost story from Tennessee and turned into a “father molesting daughter” piece of shit storyline.
Women can’t do anything productive. I’m ashamed to be one. I, along with all other women, belong in the house.
This makes me wonder why “obey” was taken out of traditional wedding vows in the first place. I, for one, opted to say it.
Definitely true, RAP.
-Dick
As a sidenote, I noticed that there are no comments left by a woman here. I found this reading almost as pleasant as having Carmen Electra in a bikini on hand serving my buddies and me beer while watching the Superbowl, mouth shut the entire game. Beautiful.
I couldn’t help but notice that the only statistics stated by these women went on to prove no point at all because it was incomplete in the first place. They failed to mention exactly how many women directors there are total, in ratio to men directors, for a valid comparison to be made. Which probably is impossible anyways, making their arguement even more useless.
Just as a woman would, they used only the portion of the facts in which they can make themselves look like bitches the most with.
Truth is, even if 50% of all directors were women, the said 7% would still be an outrageous number.
…ok I take that back,
even if 99% of all directors were women, the said 7% would still be an outrageous number.
Its amazing, as further proof that they have no imaginations, they cant even imagine that the reason no woman has ever won an Oscar for directing is not because of sexism, but because women suck at directing.
Indeed, I agree with you Mike. Women have no imagination, just listen to any feminist. Once you listen to one, you’ve heard them all talk. No originality, no original thought, nothing.
Well said, mike. Well said, Albert. Man Points all around.
-Dick
Women dont make movies because 99% of them have no imagination. They spend their time thinking about things like weddings, shoes, emotions, feelings etc. Basically mundane, everyday things.
Men, however strive to push the boundaries of our imaginations, to make the impossible, possible. Always seeking a grander experience and concept of ourselves. Forever dreaming new dreams and ways to keep the world spinning.
Part of the reason for these characteristics, I believe is because women are pussies who never take any risks larger than trying a different chocolate bar. Women tend to stick to what they know, they focus only on the real world, always playing it safe.
I mean just listen to the inane shit women talk to each other about.
“Imagination is more important than knowledge.” - Albert Einstein
D, are you ever right about their acting.
Or maybe they’re incredible actresses — acting like they don’t love it.
-Dick
You know the only tolerable films that ever involved a woman are porno’s. Even then, they are STILL horrible at acting and still cant direct for shit.
I like how they attempted (miserably) to show that somehow women directors are being “oppressed” (thier favourite word) rather than just being shitty at directing.
Feminists fail at life.
Let’s see. Talented women directors. Get ready to use your scrollbars, lads, because this is going to be quite the lengthy list.
Leni Riefenstahl.
And of course, she voted for Hitler.
Oh and there’s ‘Laurenca’ Wachowski, but, come to think of it, maybe that’s why the last two Matrix movies were crap.
-wolfe
And it would be 100% dialogue. Brilliant!
-Dick
If a woman made a preview, it would be longer than the damn movie.
Omny, you’re absolutely right. Can you imagine a woman making a preview? What a bunch of shit that would be.
-Dick
omfg
The facts say it all.
“Women directed only 7% of the top 200 grossing films of 2005.”
That much? That just goes to show the men that make previews can make a piece of shit look like something to some people. Cuase I know it isn’t women that make previews. Then directing and acting would be flushed down the toilet in a hurry cause people would ruther shoot themselves then go watch that crap.
“No women director has ever won the Oscar.”
That is cause no women director has ever made a movie worthy. That award isn’t a damn hand-me-down. It takes skill and thinking to win, thus the results are obvious.
“Only 3 have ever been nominated.”
That makes sense, I am sure a man did the work on that to. A blowjob can get a woman a long way, if performed on the right person at the right time.