A Woman CTO? How About CT-No?
The CTO of AOL was fired recently. For those of you who don’t know what CTO means, you can fuck off because you shouldn’t be reading this. Every man in the world knows CTO stands for Chief Technical Officer. That’s because men live and breathe business and also those are three things men are intimately familiar with.
First there’s chief. You have to be a man to be a chief. Modern chiefs get things done and make business calls from 9:00 AM until the sun crashes into the big fucking black hole in the middle of this maniverse we call the Milky Way — not the kind of calls women make either. These are calls made with a point. Officer; that’s another word. Can you imagine how fucked up a police force or any kind of force would be with female officers? The name Jessica Lynch rings a bell. Then there’s technology. Like most men, ever since seeing Blade Runner I can’t wait to get intimate with technology.
With that in mind, why is it no surprise that AOL’s CTO was recently fired?
It’s no surprise because her name is Maureen Govern. That’s a woman type’s name.
Recently, Maureen thought it would be a great idea to take a bunch of searches performed by AOL users and hand them over to the world at large to take a peek at. That means if you searched for “hemorrhoid cream” or “Muppet pornography” and you were on Maureen’s random shitlist, you just got your ass handed over to the entire Earth for a good laugh. If you were searching for the former, that makes you extra fucked.
Now this is not a problem of privacy law or the internet or any of that boring shit like some people would have you believe. This issue, at its heart, is a problem of having women on a work force. Women at your business will fuck you 10 out of 10 times. Women at work is like a duct tape on anything. Sooner or later that this is going to break and probably get water or shit everywhere — whatever ducts carry. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it a million times: a penny saved is a woman fired. The only job women are qualified for is holding signs.
I don’t know what they teach in business school because I’m a man and I was born already knowing everything I would ever need to know. I’m pretty sure they try to pump one of the following myths down your throat:
“Women make better managers than men!”
“Women are good organizers! Don’t ask what men are better than women at to even out the scales though because that’s way fucking sexist!”
That’s not way fucking sexist, it’s way fucking math. If women are allegedly better than men at something, then men have to be better than women at something to even out the equity scale of bullshit.
But it turns out men are better than women. They’re better than women at a little thing called everything.
Women managers are bullshit as well. They can’t motivate rabid wolves because if they’re not fucking their way to the top or sabotaging their own team to look good when they pull some crucial piece of sabotaged something out of their ass, then they’re just wasting the day away going over minutes of last weeks meeting. Did we talk about the new bylaws? Did we make a plan to address the way we handle issues? Did we talk about how I should shut the fuck up and let men talk? How could we have missed that one!
The only way female managers motivate their teams are by driving them so fucking insane that they have to excel just to escape the event horizon that is the failure of a woman in business.
If you see a woman in your place of business, just drop whatever you’re doing and walk the other way. If that’s not an option, raise your hand in the air until someone in charge finds you. Or just ignore her.
At Least it was just AOL’s stock and not an Atomic Bomb.
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September 13th, 2006 at 7:55 am - IP Man-Hash: 5950bb08d3016
Yup, got screwed today at work already by a woman and it’s barely 9 here. Had this massive experiment planned today with all these cell lines I engineered (another man only word), a team effort or so I thought. Well wouldn’t you know it, the woman here at work screwed up the cells that she was in charge of making, so two weeks worth of my man-work down the drain. But this is typical, I wanted to handle it all myself, I had my reservations about letting her do anything, and was told by even higher ups than myself that I should collaborate.
Don’t make me say it….
I was right
September 13th, 2006 at 12:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
The BBC has an interesting article about the world’s top executives:
No surprises there.
September 13th, 2006 at 12:55 pm - IP Man-Hash: dc4b477cfd13b
Hey, Dick, as long as you’re (correctly) giving these attention-whores-with-delusions-of-manhood the once-over, how about something on that attention whore Ann Coulter?
Apparently all the conservative men in the US are busy buying her books to try and get into her pants in spite of the fact that she’s a marginally-more-attractive version of James Carville. Where Carville is a bald, southern-drawled, redneck ignoramus, Coulter is an anorexic, bleached-blonde, Jane Pauley-voiced ignoramus — only she doesn’t do “stupid” nearly as engagingly as Carville.
Like Carville, she spews embarrassing gibberish in public (such as the notion that Canada sent troops to Vietnam — which it didn’t). Like Carville, the conservatives seem to eat it up the same way the liberals did under Clinton.
The difference, near as I can tell, is that where Carville was manipulating all the women of the Clinton era into giving him hummers whenever he came to town, the conservative men of the Bush era are manipulating Coulter to get into her pants when she comes to town.
Though why anyone would want to get into her pants is a mystery to me. Maybe all those weird noises that come out of her mouth actually make sense good during sex … ?
September 14th, 2006 at 12:21 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
The reason women can’t make proper CTOs, or much of anything else that has to do with ingenuity and wit, is the same reason one would never think of unscrewing the cap off something with a vice. Or inventing the wheel.
September 14th, 2006 at 6:50 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4ed293309a7ee
I just gotta say, this is the greatest site in the entire world. Great fucking work. Cheers.
September 14th, 2006 at 9:42 pm - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Welcome to the site, Jack.
-wolfe
September 19th, 2006 at 2:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: 494c480d0f622
Damn right! Women in the workplace absolutely suck. All they do is play bullshit mind games and politics, back-stab, tattle-tell, and bring other massive amounts of drama.
Leave it to a Woman in the workplace to make a simple job more difficult… constantly bickering… constantly complaining about minor shit.
Female managers blow. I’ve only had a few good ones, and they were all lesbians who looked like Men, lol. The others couldn’t tell their ankles from their assholes; came up with the dumbest ideas and stupidest policies and never valued hardwork (not that they ever worked hard)… oh no, producing at a high level is never good enough, you have to kiss their ass and everybody elses too.
Women do not belong in the business world. They simply do NOT have the makeup (other than the pounds of shit they put on their ugly faces) to run a business effectively.
P.S. The managers and the company that I was featuring in my tirade… all ran by Women… 1,000 employees… it recently went bankrupt and everybody lost theirs jobs due to these whores mismanagement… it was a huge news story about how they fucked up. Women suck at business.
September 19th, 2006 at 7:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5f25557f12b69
Each point is better than the last, The Man.
-Dick
September 25th, 2006 at 4:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: f2a86239b519c
A couple of recent graduate courses I have been enrolled in do validate the claim that they are teaching this in business school.
I was taking a class (from a “lady with a flat-top”) who claimed that women are better at managing and consulting than men because of their emotional sensitivity and listening ability.
This is widely reflected in HR items like MBTI and Emotional Intelligence tests. Essentially they say the better your ability to relate to people will be reflected in pro-social scores on these items. The good news is, that men can and should become familiar with the “proper” answers to give on these are. Like an average businesswoman, you will have to be dishonest and manipulative, but it will work to your advantage. (Seriously I would strongly encourage you to review EI and MBTI in the event of an HR evaluation).
Because of the critical mass of women in the workforce today, I think emotional sensitivity has become necessary to some degree. But I don’t see how consoling someone publicly and then talking smack on them behind their back( typical woman) is better than straight up honesty (man).
September 25th, 2006 at 5:01 pm - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Gentlemen, this advice from Jon Duan alone is worth your entire annual subscription fee to MABTW. Well said, Jon.
Sad that this is true, but in the asinine soup of present HR practice, what you say is quite true.
Personally, I look at it like loading an emulator. These exist on computers, and they let one computer act like another earlier, more primitive model so that it can run programs for that earlier model.
Load up your man-brain with an emotional emulator to take those tests. Then, and this is important — remember and save that emulator. Retrieve it when you have to deal closely with 95% of women in the workforce (don’t do it with women in your real life; it’s too annoying, and for heaven’s sake never load that emotional emulator to deal with a man. Anywhere. Even if he’s gayer than Richard Simmons).
-wolfe
September 25th, 2006 at 10:53 pm - IP Man-Hash: fcd0d386eb9be
What I fear is that they are creating programmed behaviour. Do we really want our workplaces inhabited by robots all behaving exactly as prescribed by a bunch of HR crackpots with mickey mouse credentials(and who, I might add, aren’t actually creating anything of marketable value).
You want some Soma with that.
Oh, I forgot. We call it Ritalin.
September 26th, 2006 at 5:07 am - IP Man-Hash: f2a86239b519c
yeah its really not about empowerment at it’s core, its about relying on people who are easy to control through emotion
December 31st, 2007 at 12:53 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7b9c80548d676
“Completely egocentric, unable to relate, empathize or identify, and filled with a vast, pervasive, diffuse sexuality, the male is pyschically passive. He hates his passivity, so he projects it onto women, defines the male as active, then sets out to prove that he is”
Thnx again Billy!
December 31st, 2007 at 1:34 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6d2bcc78aa95d
i, you do realize Billy hasnt posted a response to this topic?
And the term is, “Passive Agressive”, and its exactly why we are still in charge, and always will be.
Thanks for pointing that out to us, honey, now fetch me some coffee.
April 18th, 2008 at 7:31 am - IP Man-Hash: f57e90100ef48
I am taking graduate business courses. Since the concentration is MANagement, most of the classes have to do with pricing, efficiency in timing, time-bound decision making, etc. There are a bunch of women in those courses.
When guys score low, they try to find out where they went wrong and what they can do to improve their grades. When the bitches score low (they always score lower than the men), they go straight to complaining about how the tests were unfair and that they have so many time constraints…Bullshit.
Fortunately, most of our instructors don’t take shit from these bitches. The reason for that, I think, is that many of these men, and they are all men except for one stupid public relations teacher, were not raised in the U.S..