A woman president? More like, no fucking way.

I hate to be political as much as the next man — which means exactly that I love it more than I love breathing air or using my eyeballs for seeing.

Think about that for a second because you know that it’s true. We men love politics, it’s no secret. It’s as much a part of being man as getting animals drunk or being forever vigilant for the greatest and fastest shortcut of all time. Politics at its core is in fact the very core of man. It is a quest, but a quest for what? Bam. That’s what. How do you like that.

Before I continue let me stress that no woman under any circumstance should be venturing these very deepest waters of sophomoric thought as revelations of the type just witnessed (with many more to come) can be severely damaging.

Let us picture in our minds a mythical land that would embody only the manliest nature — and here of course I’m talking about Germany, you can see for yourself. Picnic benches of oak as thick as a cinder block as far as the eye can see, and beer in glass steins the weight of an airplane windshield being getting smashed together with abandon for the absolute fuck of it.

Do you think that in the metaphorical “topic hat” of such a place there exists perhaps a piece of paper that says, “How was your day?” or “Where my mother went wrong.”

Fuck no. No way. And in fact there exists no such topic hat in either reality or fantasy.

But why?

It because men in such a place of rampant manhood want to speak of only one thing: Politik. The politics of doing the job. The politics about doing the job. And the politics of getting the job done. You can no sooner squelch this desire than you can throw a dumpster into the middle of the street with your bare hands. It cannot be done.

I think that my point here is obvious: a woman will never ever in a million fucking years be president of the United States or of anywhere.

There are two simple reasons for this. There is no need for a third because the first two are so utterly conclusive. Observe as I blow the lid off the entire media hype and tornado of bullshit…

No woman will ever be president because:
1. No woman is a man.
2. See rule 1.

Done. The fact that men are better than women is merely a corollary at this point.

Let’s expand these principles to some degree of practice with the power of our mighty imaginations by temporarily suspending every single non-perversion of logic and placing a woman in the White House for just a moment. The stress on the mind from such an absurdity is taxing I know so this will be brief. It is some relief that the details of the scene are not important. It can be any scene — that’s the beauty of it; any scene in which Madam President is there with anyone else.

What she is thinking at any moment is precisely, ‘Am I doing a good job?’, ‘Does everyone think I’m a fraud?’, ‘Did I get everyone’s opinion?’

Utter bullshit.

As men we know inherently that this is absolutely no way to get the job done. This kind of lay-about, lolly-gagging thought isn’t even preparing to get the job done. It’s a lame fuck around, and a waste of time.

Women do not understand politics at its core as much as a dog or a screwdriver does not understand crossing a busy street. Sure, you can guide them safely across. You can carry a screw driver to the store and buy it a cookie, but in the end it has no goddamn idea what’s going on — and that’s really what we’re talking about here.

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