Ask Dick: Why Are Teenage Girls So Fucking Stupid?
A reader, Joey, sent me the following question.
How’s it going, Mr. Masterson? Straight to my man point, what the hell is the deal with young women who say that they don’t care about looks and want to settle with a man who cares for them, loves the, etc? These are freakin’ 15-17, 18 year old girls talking. What the hell are they settling down from? They’re reaching the age where they practice whore-crafts like fucking and sucking. You get my point.
Of course I get your point. If I didn’t get your point from that well-laid mansplanation, then I would have to be a woman. And then what would I do with my penis?
Use it as an ATM I guess. That’s all women seem to know what to do with them.
Women who are teenagers are like men who are teenagers. They’re stupider than their adult counterparts.
Granted, with women it’s hard to tell.
That’s why that show To Catch a Predator show on Dateline is unfair to all these alleged pedophiles. Just because a woman says she’s 14 and has the grammar of a drunken Carny, doesn’t mean that she is. Maybe she’s just having her period. Maybe she thinks that’s cute, who the fuck knows. Women lie all the time is my point. That’s why so many of them get pregnant.
Young women can’t do the same incredible things that young men can; things like sports and math and putting a mouse puppet on their penis and letting a snake bite it. Young women are just like women: they can’t do anything at all, incredible or not. As teenagers, however, they’re still full of hopes and dreams.
Stupid hopes and dreams.
When men are young men, they think they’re going to grow up and be Batman or James Bond or some fucking Rockstar playing two guitars at the same time; even if the odds are stacked massively against them. Batman, for example, didn’t weight 185 and drink Cherry Coke by the liter when he was 16. Women are the same, except a woman’s version of fortune and fame is a guy who will tolerate her for her endless parade of bullshit. Women are the Carnival of bullshit. It never fucking stops and by the third float you’ve seen just about all you’re going to see.
Teenage women who want a man who loves them, cares for them, and any other synonymous emotions women use because they love repeating themselves so fucking much, aren’t settling for anything. They’re just enjoying four years of the biggest, most-blissful pipe dream a woman ever experiences in her whole fucking life. The dream of having a say or a preference in a mythical man who takes an infinite amount of a woman’s grating, unending crap, occupies the life of the teenage girl. This is a dream women abandon at at the age of 22 in an act known as Learning Her Place.
Unless you count those harpy 30-somethings who think their pets are children. That’s the biggest, most-blissful pipe dream of femininity: children who can be locked in the fucking house.
Joey, minus ten Man Points for the non-offensive substitution of a swear word. Swearing loudly and with gusto is the best and manliest way to show anyone in ear shot that you are a man. That’s why teenagers do it so obnoxiously. They’re becoming men.
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March 14th, 2007 at 7:27 am - IP Man-Hash: 0dc060b16a9bd
Same for me.
March 14th, 2007 at 5:52 pm - IP Man-Hash: 771a520544aad
Same for us all.
March 16th, 2007 at 5:41 am - IP Man-Hash: dc4b477cfd13b
Awesome as always, Dick.
Got a related link for everyone tangential to this subject. There’s a great Youtube video from some teenaged girl complaining about girls being skanky on Spring Break.
Now, while I’m in total agreement with her that girls shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near Spring Break (and trust me, my daughters will never go anywhere on Spring Break as long as I have any control over them), her video is fascinating because of her idiotic ramblings about the skanky things girls do.
The best one is at 03:53 where she complains about girls getting their boobs autographed by band members at concerts. Her reason, though, is hysterical. It’s not that it’s attention-whoring at its finest, it’s that the autograph will wash off, and then what do you have to remember the concert by? You know, aside from all the guys staring at your tits?
This is why I stay abreast of the Internet. With my daughters entering their teenaged years, I never ever want to see them posting these kinds of videos where just anyone can see them. She has no idea how dumb she is, and it’s embarrassing.
March 16th, 2007 at 6:35 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
The mind boggles, staggers and drops dead…
March 16th, 2007 at 7:50 am - IP Man-Hash: 0dc060b16a9bd
Then rises up as a zombie and becomes a woman’s mind.
March 16th, 2007 at 7:50 am - IP Man-Hash: 0dc060b16a9bd
Replace woman’s with feminist’s.
March 16th, 2007 at 9:30 am - IP Man-Hash: 50d5c4775cccf
I managed to watch the entire video at the second attempt. At the first attempt my cringe-o-meter blew a fuse after about 40 seconds.
March 16th, 2007 at 10:22 am - IP Man-Hash: dc4b477cfd13b
That long? It took me a couple of attempts just to understand her.
There are, sadly, a lot of videos like that on YouTube, usually from (what a shock) females.
It was really tough listening to her pronounce “boobs” as “byubes” the entire time. I started wanting to reach through the video feed, grab her by the throat, and scream, “Where the frak are you from that byubes is a frakking word?! If you can’t handle that, just say tits, oK??”
March 17th, 2007 at 1:30 am - IP Man-Hash: 8df4b9656c70a
well that sounds quite violent and totally against your philosophical zero aggression principles I would think.
March 17th, 2007 at 1:41 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Why? First hunch is most accurate.
- paul van dyk - words (Original Mix)
March 17th, 2007 at 5:38 am - IP Man-Hash: 78aa99a80f85e
Great Ghu, Female, are you still here?
And by the way, you can want to do something all you like. It’s when you actually do it that it becomes a problem.
Kind of how I want to put a blocker to this web site on your computer for your own good. If I actually did it, that would be a problem.
March 17th, 2007 at 5:39 am - IP Man-Hash: 0dc060b16a9bd
Eh, I suppose. But feminists piss me off more than women.
March 17th, 2007 at 5:39 am - IP Man-Hash: 0dc060b16a9bd
Ok fuck off dear, the adults are talking.
March 17th, 2007 at 6:51 am - IP Man-Hash: d94e002906c83
Please do it.
March 17th, 2007 at 7:41 am - IP Man-Hash: 4538a50bbe1d5
Just went on YouTube and watched a few more cringe-worthy videos. Check out the woman at the end of this one.
March 17th, 2007 at 8:04 am - IP Man-Hash: 78aa99a80f85e
Geeza, in that video at 03:27, what is that strange couple doing in the background? I can’t quite decide, but it looks like they’re starting to make out.
Also, the lesbian couple at 04:47 kind of turns my stomach …
As for that last woman … damn. Two words of advice: get off the drugs, and see a shrink right away.
YouTube is filled with this kind of stuff — it makes you realize just how many lives that unchecked female activism has destroyed.
March 17th, 2007 at 12:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4fe6d445c0fff
No one has the balls to speak publicly about such things is the problem.
March 17th, 2007 at 1:02 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Kind of like Cannes.
March 17th, 2007 at 6:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: f75c92aeb197e
Your words of advice could be given to most women.
March 18th, 2007 at 10:40 pm - IP Man-Hash: 175927c23b5a9
[chorus:]
When my baby’s walking down the street
I see red, I see red, I see red.
How could someone wicked walk around free
I see red, I see red, I see red.
I see red, I see red
(red!), I see red.
I respect your wishes
You gave me such precious hours
What to do without you.
Squeezed me out of your life
Down the drain like molten toothpaste
I feel used and spat out.
Poor old me
[chorus]
I’m fed up with crying
My despair is dying,
Turning into rage, day by day
Green before you met me
In the pink when you let me love you
I was blue when you let me down
Black and Blue
[chorus]
Go!
I see red, I see red, I see red…