But What’s the Alternative? Shipping Women Around in Crates?
You know how you can’t bring drugs or tigers to the airport? Women should also not be allowed within a hundred yards of an airport. Here are the reasons.
Women can’t drive.
Women can’t lift shit.
Women can’t shut up.
Like usual, I think I’ve made my point.
Without women, a modern day port of airplanes would function like a finely tuned machine or the very bloodstream of man. Cars would whip here and there; luggage would be thrown directly from the carousel into the open trunks of perpetually circling cars. My God it would be a hell of a thing.
Modern day Airports, however, fucking suck. Logically that leaves one conclusion: women fuck up airports. Let’s investigate this theory.
Women can’t drive in an airport for shit. By and large and on a day to day basis, women do a poor, and unacceptable, but not illegal impression of actual drivers. That’s fine for driving to shoe sales and designer coffee kiosks, but when that kind of woman-ness stumbles and fumbles itself all over an airport, all hell breaks loose.
Women drive at airports as though they’re driving on the regular road. That’s why they’re terminal cancer. Get it? Airplane terminal and terminal (as in fatal) cancer? Manamusing if I don’t say so myself.
Airports are not a time for that kind of lackadaisical shit. People are there to get their friends and loved ones and then to get the fuck out. That means it’s a time to drive as aggressively as possible. It’s like getting out of the parking lot of a sporting event, or getting off the tube — both of which men know plenty about because we love sports and we have jobs. The quickest and most efficient way of doing either is to close your eyes, run head-first into the mob and let your manstincts take over. It is not a time to sit around with your head in Mexico wondering why no one will let you in because you’re already a half hour late.
Secondly, women have about as much reason to be anywhere near the luggage carousel at as they do inside a voting booth. Nothing about a woman’s body or her brain gives any kind of indication that this is a safe or useful place for her to be. It’s like bringing a flashlight to a beach barbeque. What are you fucking stupid?
Plus, women handling baggage are hazards. Why, I’ve seen a woman nearly knock three small children flat on their asses because she was trying to pull her suitcase off of the conveyor. I thought about calling child services, but then I realized the problem: the suitcase was moving at an astounding 3 mile an hour clip.
3 miles an hour! Holy shit! Someone get some special equipment for handling that baggage. Equipment called ‘a man’. The bigger message here is that no woman can lift or carry anything — especially her own weight. And when you’re anywhere that sitting around mindlessly gabbing isn’t conducive to progress, women are completely useless.
In that way, airports are a lot like life — exactly like life.
Related Articles:
April 25th, 2006 at 7:59 am - IP Man-Hash: cb99b69c1d558
“no woman can lift or carry anything”?
Have you taken grudges into account, Dick?
-Big Al
April 25th, 2006 at 8:17 am - IP Man-Hash: 356b2e2244d02
It’s true, women can’t even lift a toilet seat without asking (bitching at) a man to do it for them.
On the other hand, its funny how they always manage when it comes to carrying their frivolous purchases.
If I may paraphrase;
- Women can’t lift shit when theres a man around.
April 25th, 2006 at 8:26 am - IP Man-Hash: ddd2eb421ee3f
Very clever, Big Al.
-Dick
April 26th, 2006 at 9:13 am - IP Man-Hash: 5950bb08d3016
That is so true, I ahte the toilet seat bullshit. I think us pissing all over the place trumps them sitting down. My soon to be grandfather in-law is the man.
He trained his wife that the toilet seat is ALWAYS up. Every bathroom in his house, the toilet seat is up, when his wife visits, even at my place she leaves it up.
I think he deserves praise for never taking her shit!!
April 26th, 2006 at 9:35 am - IP Man-Hash: ddd2eb421ee3f
It’s surprisingly easy to train women. As long as you can ignore anything that comes out of their mouths.
-Dick
March 15th, 2007 at 3:47 am - IP Man-Hash: 86f79bd2f8407
In my future home, I’m going to have a toilet that only I am allowed to sit on. I will also have a urinal. If a woman needs to relieve herself, she will either pee standing up, or go somewhere else. That is how it needs to be.
March 28th, 2007 at 10:07 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6ded105d0f4cb
Good thinking, WSD, hence why men created urinals. Men are perfect when it comes to taking leaks. Urinals serve as a well constructed piece of art where men can do their thing without using the toilet and listening to the endless rants from the bitch about how we pissed all over it and not in it. So what? It’s a toilet, not a fucking dinner plate. And even if a man were to fuck up his ability to relieve himself, there would be no error, hence why men created urinals. We can do whatever we want there, spell our names, aim to the right, to the left, wherever, and when we’re done, a simple flush and it’s all taken care of. If anything, women are the ones who fuck up toilets. Even sitting on the toilet seat a woman lacks patience. They cater their legs around the toilet seats as if they were using a vibrator or some shit. It’s almost overwhelming how bland women are at the simplest of life’s tasks.
May 9th, 2007 at 8:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: 86eb606003de6
That is so true, I ahte the toilet seat bullshit. I think us pissing all over the place trumps them sitting down. My soon to be grandfather in-law is the man.
He trained his wife that the toilet seat is ALWAYS up. Every bathroom in his house, the toilet seat is up, when his wife visits, even at my place she leaves it up.
I think he deserves praise for never taking her shit!!
And thats why they are old fogies and still married! Cause the MAN runs shit in that marriage. Notice one thing, from your own life experiences, whoever and whereever you are: the marriages where the woman “wears the pants”, are the ones that ALWAYS fall apart, and fast. ALWAYS - always. Where the man rules the roost, and the woman accepts it - those couples are and will be together until the sun burn itself out in 5 billion years. Prove me wrong, you cant.
June 26th, 2007 at 8:12 am - IP Man-Hash: 0094d6a695ff1
Most women think I’m so polite, because I always put the toilet seat down and close the lid. Every time, everywhere, even when I’m home at the fortress of manly solitude. I tell them it’s something my mother taught me as a child. They just beam and twitter when they hear that story!!!
Best part is that it’s partly true. My mother didn’t want any of our Doberman show dogs drinking out of the toilet. It’s bad for their teeth and gums.
August 22nd, 2007 at 7:34 pm - IP Man-Hash: a2b828af8d625
Many many years ago when I was in construction, we remodled a huge office building (80% women were in it) and had to temporarilly turn all the mens restrooms into womens restrooms.
We added additional stalls, but left a few urinals attached to the wall (at least for the duration of the remodel).
We turned off the water to them, filled them with dirt and flowers and created planters out of them!
Now that’s using your man-brain.
It almost reminds me of the movie “No Time For Sargeants” with Andy Griffith when he had all the toilet seats spring up at attention and salute the commanding officer. Out-fucking-standing!!
Oh, and let’s not forget, men invented toilets, running water and sewer systems. If it wasn’t for us, women would be crapping all over the place-watch your step or you’ll be in deep shit!!
Men are better than woman.
-Banzai
December 3rd, 2007 at 5:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: e24370fe2bb3c
Well, I have seen my share of accidents, more that half done by men.
Only a week ago I was able to see a man drive straight into a telephone pole.
My grandfather drives like a madman, whether he’s dlipping someone off or speeding above the limit.
It’s more fun when my cousin does about 10 donuts around a small tree in a parking lot.
So far, the women in my family drive well, while the men don’t
But I will say this, my father does drive well
December 3rd, 2007 at 5:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: e24370fe2bb3c
flipping someone off*
December 18th, 2007 at 7:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9b8661e6da7fc
Redundant.